Emergency! Impending case of Death by Hiccups!

HELP. Have dreadful case of hiccups. Usual cures not working. Problem is so bad, have lost use of pronouns. Also, sort of in pain. Ow. Send help and your best hiccup-banishing ideas, I beg of you! I'll try anything at this point.

Well. Almost.

ETA: ...Hiccups stopped! Suddenly and mysteriously when I finally gave up on trying to cure them. Sheesh. Oh well. Feel free to share your favorite cures anyway! :D