(fic) Wicked Little Town 2/2
May. 24th, 2006 06:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cicerContinued from part one.
Gojyo exhaled slowly, before beginning to pry himself away from Banri. He suddenly felt very tired, but Banri’s fingers were still tangled in his hair and he didn’t remove them. Gojyo finally managed to free himself long enough to pull a few inches away. He stared at the wall, at the door, at the bed, at anything but Banri’s face in front of him. He could feel Banri looking at him and he knew Banri’s expression was half-lidded, lusty, and amused. He knew how Banri looked after sex, after all. Gojyo might’ve found it amusing too, if he hadn’t felt so uncomfortable. He tried to pull away again, but Banri kept a hold of him.
“What?” Banri asked. “S’wrong?”
“Nothing,” Gojyo sighed. He put his hands over his face, tried to push his hair back, and wondered how this whole night had gone so terribly wrong. He realized, with a dull shock, that he’d just let Banri give him a handjob against the wall of his room over the bar. He renewed his efforts at pulling away. He managed to pry himself out of Banri’s hands and stagger a few feet away.
Banri turned, still wiping his hand distractedly against his pants. Gojyo tried not to look at him and stared numbly at the wall instead. He rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth, smearing saliva, trying to rub the feeling off his lips.
There was a rasp of cloth and Banri stepped up behind him. Gojyo could feel his body heat, the brush of clothing against his back. He tensed slightly, feeling confused and stupid and unsated. Banri’s hands settled on his hips, tugging him back, and Gojyo considered yanking himself away, but that meant moving and moving seemed like too much work at the moment. He held still, half-hoping that if he closed his eyes, everything would wash away. Banri’s fingers skimmed the top of his pants, and his mouth settled against Gojyo’s neck.
“Hey,” he muttered, nudging his face into Gojyo’s neck. “You wanna…?” He nodded distractedly in the direction of the bed before settling his lips back against Gojyo’s neck, kissing and sucking lightly. Gojyo remembered that Banri had always had an oral fixation. He might’ve found it funny, in another time or place.
“Now?” he asked stupidly, dragging himself out of his confusion and tangled thoughts. He liked sex as much as anyone, but they’d both come less than five minutes ago. Banri’s thumbnail scraped against his hipbone, his mouth sucking hard enough on Gojyo’s neck that he expected there would be a mark later. Gojyo tried not to shudder, torn between yanking himself away and pushing against him harder.
“Yeah,” Banri mutter, laughing. “You don’t feel it? It’s this thing that makes all the youkai crazy. Makes me horny.” Gojyo privately doubted that Banri needed an excuse to be horny, but before he could say anything to that effect, or suggest they slow down, or run for the door, Banri spun him around.
Banri’s fingers insinuated themselves firmly in his hair again, and he pressed himself against Gojyo insistently. A large part of Gojyo wanted to pull away, but it still felt good, and Banri’s other hand was settling firmly against his hip, tugging him close until their bodies were flush. Gojyo could feel Banri getting hard again against his stomach and he sucked in a breath. Apparently, Banri wasn’t kidding about the minus wave increasing sexual tension. Gojyo couldn’t say he’d noticed any serious difference himself, but then the minus wave had also provided a distraction, largely in the number of assassins. Dealing with a dozen or more crazed youkai every day was surprisingly tiring, and frustration involved in sitting on your ass in a Jeep for hours each day did a good job of killing any lingering sexual tension.
But then maybe the reason he hadn’t felt any difference from the minus wave wasn’t due to the journey. He was only half-youkai, after all. He’d never feel such things as strongly as full youkai. Gojyo wondered with a bit of surprise whether Goku or Hakkai had noticed any increased sexual feelings and just never mentioned it. It seemed doubtful that Goku would have felt anything. He didn’t even seem to have any natural urges for a kid his age. It was a pity, because Gojyo was fully planning on torturing him as much as possible the second he hit puberty. Or possibly he’d just sit back and watch in amusement at Sanzo tried to deal with it. That would be equally fun.
Hakkai, though…had he felt something? For a moment, Gojyo dismissed the thought. Surely Hakkai would have told him if he’d experienced any side effects of the minus. But then again, maybe not. Hakkai almost never talked to him about anything related to his youkai blood. It was like he was ashamed of it. Gojyo couldn’t blame him, knowing what he did about the circumstances through which Hakkai had become a youkai. But he did remember how much Banri had disliked Hakkai when they’d met, and how he’d always suspected that that was a large part of it. Banri was always proud to be a youkai, and Hakkai still sometimes seemed disgusted by them.
He had only ever seen Hakkai without the limiters once, and Banri had been involved in that too, albeit distantly. Still, Hakkai had never talked about it, never wanted to talk about that night. Sometimes, Gojyo privately wondered if Hakkai hated him a little bit for being a youkai. It wouldn’t have been logical, but then nothing about the situation was logical. Either way, Hakkai had never mentioned a damn thing about how the minus wave made him feel, so Gojyo didn’t have a clue. Maybe he felt like this too.
Banri pushed against him until Gojyo was forced to back up. He staggered back a few feet, and felt the back of his legs bump against the bed. Banri pushed and him, and he fell back onto the bed, blindly reaching aside to shove the piles of clothing out of the way. They tumbled to the floor with dull thumps and rasps of cloth against cloth. Banri leaned over Gojyo, half straddling him, and kissed him again. Gojyo hesitated a minute before he kissed back, with an eagerness that surprised him only a little. He’d always loved to kiss, almost as much as he enjoyed sex itself. Something about the hot wet press of mouths, the tangling and thrusting of tongues that mimicked intercourse, and the quick, sharp nips of teeth against lips, never failed to turn him on.
Banri seemed to be enjoying the foreplay as well. His pervious orgasm seemed to have taken the edge off his lust, as it had for Gojyo and they took their time now, moving a bit more slowly but no less passionately. They broke apart to gasp for air after a moment and paused. Gojyo reached up to grab the collar of Banri’s shirt and tug him down. Banri fell on top of him, somewhat gracelessly, and their legs tangled together with easy familiarity. Banri pushed Gojyo up farther on the bed, and they shifted clumsily, their bodies still entwined. Banri’s cock pushed more insistently against Gojyo’s thigh, and Gojyo could feel himself getting hard again.
He clutched at Banri’s neck, sliding his hand up to brush over Banri’s hair, and felt the long, tapered ears bump against his wrist with some surprise. He’d forgotten, for a moment. He wasn’t use to touching youkai, at least not in this way, and not anymore. For a minute, he’d forgotten…
Would it be like this with Hakkai? The thought slammed into Gojyo’s brain with the force of a speeding bullet, or possibly a particularly vicious smack from Sanzo’s fan. Would Hakkai feel like this when he took off his limiters? The thought was shocking, and tantalizing. It wasn’t that Gojyo had never fantasized about Hakkai before. He’d fantasized about nearly everyone he knew, at one time or another. But in his sleepy, half-awake fantasies, the ones he imagined when he touched himself, when he woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly aroused, it hadn’t been like that. The Hakkai in his fantasies had been ephemeral, dreamlike, and definitely in a human form.
Banri pulled his mouth away from Gojyo’s once more to lick and suck down his neck, tugging Gojyo’s shirt out of the way so he had access to Gojyo’s bare chest. He braced one hand on the mattress, and wrapped the other in the fabric on Gojyo’s shirt, yanking it aside farther when he felt he needed more room to touch. Gojyo’s dug his nails into Banri’s shoulder when Banri licked lightly at one nipple, and privately relished Banri’s quiet yelp of pain as Gojyo’s nails sank sharply into his skin. He gave a light nip at the nipple in retaliation, and Gojyo shivered slightly and pushed himself into Banri’s hip trying to relieve the building pressure in his groin.
When he had imagined it, sex with Hakkai was easy and smooth, painless and relatively gentle. But when he thought of it now, Gojyo bet that Hakkai would be much rougher, especially without the limiters. Maybe he would bite and scratch too, clawing at skin with his long talons.
Banri shoved his leg between Gojyo’s suddenly, and began yanking their clothes away with determination. Gojyo helped, tugging off his own shirt as quickly as he could and leaving it crumpled under his back. Banri shucked his jacket and shirt too, and when he leaned back on top of Gojyo, Gojyo felt the damp heat of skin against his own. Banri’s fingers busied themselves with Gojyo’s pants, and Gojyo groaned out loud when Banri’s hand brushed over his bare cock. He kicked off the legs of his pants, not seeing where they went and not caring. Banri disposed of his own pants quickly and suddenly they were both naked.
Banri knelt over him for a moment, and Gojyo saw his cock now standing fully erect. Banri swooped back in to kiss Gojyo again, his mouth becoming more aggressive as his lust grew and his control faltered. Gojyo spread his legs so Banri could settle between them, and Banri did, planting one hand on the mattress beside Gojyo’s head so he could prop himself up and fumble, one-handed, through the nightstand drawer until his found what he was looking for. Gojyo heard the thick click of a cap snapping open. Banri shifted over him into a more comfortable position, and Gojyo squirmed slightly, trying to increase friction on his cock, which was also fully aroused.
“Turn over,” Banri whispered, his voice thick and hoarse with lust, and Gojyo complied without a second thought. He managed to roll over onto his stomach, and felt the crumpled shirt under his chest, the buttons digging into him slightly. There wasn’t much time to think about that, because he felt Banri’s thighs press against his ass before they pulled back and were replaced by Banri’s fingers, slicked with the lubricant. Gojyo pushed himself back, not caring much how careful Banri was with the preparation as long as it got him relief. His cock pulsed hot and almost painful into the blankets.
Banri didn’t seem to want to take his time either, and after another second to slick himself, Gojyo felt the blunt tip of his cock push against his entrance. Gojyo forced himself to still and wait until the pressure passed and he was filled completely. After Banri had slid all the way in, Gojyo dug his nails into the pillows. He chewed his lower lip as he felt Banri start thrusting.
He felt Banri’s sharp nails dig into his hips, and he shut his eyes. Hakkai’s nails would be sharp too, if he took off his limiters and exchanged the blunt, dull nails of his human form for the wicked claws of a youkai. His hair would be long, Gojyo remembered that much from the glimpse he’d gotten of Hakkai’s youkai form. It would have hung down in his face and brushed teasingly against Gojyo’s back. It was disturbingly easy to imagine, especially like this, when he couldn’t see Banri’s face. He could almost pretend Hakkai was fucking him. He groaned a little at the thought.
Gojyo wondered if Hakkai would talk during sex. Banri didn’t, and that only encouraged the fantasy. Somehow, he thought Hakkai would, whispering and growling things into his ear as he fucked Gojyo into the mattress. He could picture Hakkai like that, firm and domineering, pinning Gojyo down.
Banri’s nails grazed the side of Gojyo’s stomach (they could have been Hakkai's), and Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut. He could imagine Hakkai’s face, rapturous in pleasure, his features slack, his head thrown back. Gojyo bit the pillow, turning his face into it. If it was in Hakkai’s bed, it would smell like him too, like tea and laundry detergent, and the faintest hint of something muskier, sharper. Gojyo arched into the mattress, and felt Banri pick up his speed, and all it took was one last thought of Hakkai’s hands all over him, in his hair, around his neck as he was buried within Gojyo, before Gojyo came, muffling his yell into the pillow. He felt Banri’s thrusts grow wilder and deeper, before he finally stopped. Gojyo heard Banri groan faintly above him as he climaxed and slumped against Gojyo’s back.
Gojyo lay still, trying to catch him breath, for several moments, until the weight of Banri against him began to feel slightly oppressive, and the heat that had coursed through his blood cooled enough for him to think. He felt slightly cold inside, and abruptly ashamed. It seemed almost funny: he didn’t know what had tipped him over the edge, whether it was the sex with Banri or the fact that he was thinking about Hakkai the whole time. Still, he was suddenly very aware that he’d reached a breaking point he wasn’t aware he had.
He held still until Banri shifted over with a grunt and went to fumble through the nightstand, presumably for cigarettes. The stillness broken, Gojyo sat up and shifted away a little, letting Banri get what he wanted. He waited until Banri had lit up, taken a drag, and offered the cigarette. He took it numbly, and sucked a mouthful of soothing smoke before handing it back. He got up silently and started looking for his clothes.
Banri sprawled lazily against the bed, smoking and watching him. “Leaving?” he asked as Gojyo yanked on his crumpled shirt and dragged himself into his pants.
“Yeah,” Gojyo muttered. He didn’t expect Banri to say anything or try to stop him, and he wasn’t disappointed. He fumbled with his shoes and staggered toward the door.
“See you around, man,” Banri said, sounding infuriately calm, as if nothing had happened.
“Yeah,” Gojyo repeated, and shut the door behind him.
The night air was cool when he reached the street, the day’s heat finally sucked away into the sand. He walked slowly, carefully, and didn’t look up from his feet the whole time. It was quieter, now, and late enough that most of the earlier revelers had finally retired for the night. After what seemed like an hour of walking, Gojyo reached the inn.
He shuffled out onto the porch of the inn and paused. Slowly, he turned and slumped against the railing. He couldn’t imagine going inside, not now. Not after…that. It wasn’t even that late, and there was a good chance Hakkai would still be awake, anyway. And he was definitely in no shape to try and deal with Hakkai now. Not after what had just happened.
Gojyo tried not to think too hard about it, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that was easy to ignore. It seeped into his conscious mind no matter how hard he tried to push it away. Banri’s words to him, boldly declaring what Gojyo had already half-known but been too afraid to acknowledge to himself. He did have feelings for Hakkai, and he’d had them for a long time. He’d tried to hide them, mask them as feelings of friendship or lust, until they’d gotten too intense to ignore. And it was pretty obvious it hadn’t worked.
Gojyo shut his eyes and sank onto the steps of the porch, dropping his head into his hands. He’d visualized Hakkai’s hands on him, Hakkai’s mouth, Hakkai’s body…He’d been thinking about Hakkai while Banri was fucking him, there was no hiding from that fact. Gojyo kept his eyes closed and listened to his own uneven breathing. It was cold out now, so cold that each breath burned in his lungs. Gojyo fumbled through his pockets until he found a pack of cigarettes and shook one out, flicking at the lighter with fingers that were going numb from cold and shock.
The flame cracked to life after a few attempts, and Gojyo lit up and sucked in a lungful of warm smoke. The heat helped him relax and the nicotine steadied his nerves a little, and after a few more drags he felt a little less panicked, but no less afraid. He dropped his head back into one of his hands, the other flicking ash off the cigarette before lifting it to his mouth for another drag. He shrugged deeper into his shirt, belatedly realizing that he’d left his jacket on the floor of Banri’s room. He sighed, at rubbed at eyes that stung slightly from the smoke. Well, there was no way he was going back for it. It was a shame, though. He’d really liked that jacket.
He was suddenly seized with a fit of laughter, chuckling so hard he nearly choked on his cigarette. It seemed incredibly ludicrous that he was worrying about his jacket. That didn’t even make it into the top three most unfortunate things about tonight, maybe not even the top ten, if he really thought about it.
He didn’t want to think about it, though. He ground out the half-smoked cigarette in the soft earth under his heel and looked up at the night sky. The wind was picking up, and carrying away the last of the cigarette smoke. Gojyo could smell the sweat and sex on his own skin, and was briefly disgusted. He rubbed his hand over his eyes again, and shook his head, chuckling again but this time at himself. He actually slept with Banri. Again. That, too, probably deserved a spot on a list, The Top Ten Stupidest Things He’d Ever Done. Sleeping with an ex-friend who tried to kill you and then abruptly introduced you to the fact that you were in love with someone else moments before fucking you…that had to rate pretty high on the scale of stupid things.
The self-pity and self-disgust were almost comforting, and Gojyo felt a bizarre urge to cling to them a little while longer. When they passed, there would be nothing left but deciding what to do next, and that wasn’t really something he wanted to deal with. Still, he thought ruefully, it wasn’t like he had much choice. He couldn’t stop time, and the night was already half-over. Sooner or later, he’d have to go upstairs and deal with Hakkai and the others. It wasn’t like he had any other options. After all, the last time he’d tried running away, the others had made it pretty clear he’d be in big trouble if he ever tried it again. He scuffed the toe of his boot in the damp earth, watched as it dragged a clean line in the soil, and looked up reluctantly.
It didn’t have to be so bad, he told himself. It wasn’t as if Hakkai knew anything. He could keep everything that happened tonight to himself. It wasn’t as if anyone else had to know, he reminded himself with slight relief. He could just go on the way he had, and pretend that nothing had happened. He nodded to himself silently. No one else needed to know anything. It would be better that way. Hakkai was his friend, and that was all he was ever going to be. And that was all right.
Gojyo stared at his shoes, at his hands, and nodded to himself again, more soberly. That was the way it was supposed to be anyway. It wasn’t like he could expect anything more. It wasn’t like he deserved anything more.
He didn’t even know if Hakkai liked guys, and even if he did, it was pretty obvious he’d never care about anyone as much as her . He’d never even seen Hakkai with anyone, despite the fact that quite a few women had taken a pretty obvious liking to him, back home. He’d never responded to any of them. Maybe he didn’t want to be with anyone else. That was probably for the best.
He’d never tell Hakkai that he thought of him that way. All it would do was make both of them uncomfortable, and that would be a serious problem, considering they had to spend their days together in a rather small Jeep. He’d just keep quiet about it. It would be for the best. Gojyo heaved a sigh, dragging himself slowly to his feet and shrugging more deeply into his shirt before heading reluctantly inside.
It was warmer inside at least, and Gojyo loosened his hold on his shirt as he picked his way up the dimly lit stairs. They creaked dully, making Gojyo tread a little lighter. He shook his head at himself, annoyed by his bizarre fear that he would wake someone up. He walked slowly to the door of the room he and Hakkai shared, and froze when he saw light underneath it. Hakkai was still awake then. Gojyo’s hand hovered over the doorknob, before he forced himself to turn it. He reminded himself forcefully that waiting wasn’t going to make things any easier, but hovering outside the door in the middle of the night might make him look like a bit of a nutcase. He opened the door and went in.
Hakkai was sitting on the bed, his expressions very calm. Too calm. Gojyo had known Hakkai long enough to be able to tell when his expression concealed other feelings. He stilled in the doorway, suddenly very aware of his rumpled clothing and the smell of sweat that clung to his skin. He nearly cringed back before edging his way slowly in. Hakkai was looking at him steadily, but Gojyo didn’t meet his gaze. He was very aware that Hakkai wasn’t reading or anything. In fact, he looked like he’d been waiting. Gojyo’s stomach knotted a little in anxiety.
“Uh. Hey,” he said, forcing a light tone. He shuffled over to the bed, before digging through his pack for another jacket. The atmosphere in the room seemed to have become a little chillier.
“Perhaps you are looking for this?” Hakkai asked, his voice deceptively mild. Gojyo half-turned, a little fearfully, and saw Hakkai holding up his jacket. The one he’d left in Banri’s room. The knot it Gojyo’s stomach abruptly worsened.
“Um. Where’d you get that?” Gojyo asked, once he’d managed to recover his voice. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know. There were several ways Hakkai’s might’ve gotten the jacket, but all of them involved him having contact with Banri, which was not something Gojyo wanted to think about. He inched back a little against the bed, and tried to keep a relatively casual expression on his face. He doubted he was fooling anyone though.
Hakkai stood, and Gojyo resisted the sudden and inexplicable urge to run. Hakkai looked almost aggressively calm right now, and Gojyo knew that nothing good could possibly come from such an expression.
“Your friend Banri was kind enough to return it,” Hakkai said, voice icy.
“Oh,” Gojyo said, not knowing what else to say. He wondered suddenly what had happened to Banri and resisted the urge to look for a body in some corner of the room.
“I understand you had a bit of a reunion with him,” Hakkai said evenly. Gojyo made a quiet sound that was meant to be an assent. He was still examining the floor, both to check for signs of blood and body parts, and as a way to avoid Hakkai’s eyes.
Hakkai didn’t say anything more for a moment, apparently waiting for Gojyo to offer something, but Gojyo didn’t know what to say and he felt increasingly uncomfortable and embarrassed. If it had been anyone but Hakkai, he would have outright refused to talk about it at all. And if it had been anybody but Banri, there would have been absolutely nothing to talk about. But since it was Banri, the guy who had kind of left him for a dead a couple years back, and it was Hakkai, who had never liked Banri and ended up saving Gojyo’s ass (and whom Gojyo had recently been fantasizing about, but he blocked that memory out for now), it made for a slightly messy situation.
And then Gojyo abruptly remembered exactly the circumstances he and Hakkai had last seen Banri under. While it somehow hadn’t seemed so bad when he was drinking with Banri a couple hours ago, looking at it through Hakkai’s eyes Gojyo was starting to feel extremely stupid. Again. He shuffled a little where he stood. He was still discreetly examining the room for a dead body, but was relieved not to see one.
“Yeah,” he croaked finally, feeling Hakkai’s eyes bore into him even as he refused to meet Hakkai’s stare. “Yeah, I saw him.” Hakkai nodded minutely.
“I see,” he said tightly.
“I met him down in the bar,” Gojyo continued, feeling embarrassed and like he had to explain himself. “We had a few drinks.” Hakkai was still staring at him. He was silent a moment and appeared to be arguing with himself over whether he would say anything or not. Gojyo waited mutely, feeling a little like a child about to be scolded, which made him feel even more embarrassed and faintly angry at the way Hakkai was treating him.
“After what he did to you,” Hakkai finally continued, voice cold, “you had drinks with him?” Gojyo pressed his lips together tightly and tried to rein in his growing anger. He really didn’t want to do this now; he didn’t want a repeat of their earlier fight. Not now, when he was so tired and confused and ashamed, half-angry and half-stuck on the memory of imagining Hakkai when he’d been doing that with Banri.
“It’s not really any of your business,” he said tightly, trying to keep himself from saying anything he’d regret later. “If I want to have drinks with him, I can. You’re not my keeper.”
He sounded a little angrier than he’d meant to, and he realized a little of the resentment from earlier was clinging to him, the irritation at Hakkai telling him where to go and when to come back.
For a minute, a strange expression crossed Hakkai’s face and Gojyo couldn’t tell if he was angry or shocked or what. He tensed, expecting Hakkai to finally lose his tightly controlled temper and yell at him or throw a punch or something, but after a minute Hakkai appeared to reel himself in and turned around.
“I suppose you’re right,” he said in a strange voice, somewhere between angry and resigned. “Of course, it’s your business. You can do whatever you like.”
“Don’t,” Gojyo said furiously, before he realized the words had come out of his mouth. Hakkai turned back slightly and blinked in surprise. Gojyo shut his eyes briefly and exhaled hard, scrubbing a hand over his face. Part of him wanted to let this go and just go to bed and pretend none of this had ever happened. He wanted to sleep, and wake up in the morning and just forget everything, but another part of him had dug its heels in and refused to let this go. He didn’t want to let Hakkai sweep this under the rug, somehow.
“Just…don’t,” Gojyo finally said. “Don’t do this. Just…I’m an idiot, I know. Okay? I know that.”
Hakkai was silent for a minute, and his shoulders sagged a little as he stood across from Gojyo. “No,” he said. “You’re right. This is none of my business. I have no right to tell you what to do.”
Gojyo didn’t particularly like his tone, the self-deprecation in it, but he was so relieved that most of the anger had gone out of Hakkai’s voice and stance that he didn’t press it.
“It is your business,” he insisted weakly. “I mean, he kind of screwed you over too. Just because I know he’s an asshole and accept it doesn’t mean you have to.” He smiled faintly, hopefully at Hakkai. He desperately wanted to stop fighting, no matter how terrible he was at apologizing and making up and how embarrassed and stupid he was feeling now.
Hakkai was silent before saying, “Well. That’s just it, though. I wasn’t particularly angry at him for anything he did to me.” Gojyo blinked, unsure what to say.
“Oh,” he finally said, a little stupidly. Hakkai finally turned fully and looked at him steadily.
“He betrayed you. He treated you poorly. I was angry at him for that, Gojyo, not for anything he did to me.”
“Oh,” Gojyo said again.
“But,” Hakkai continued. “I suppose it’s not my place to resent him for that. If you choose to forgive him, to…” here Hakkai paused carefully, “associate with him, that isn’t any of my business.”
Gojyo opened his mouth, and then shut it. Hakkai had placed delicate emphasis on the word ‘associate’, leaving Gojyo little doubt that he knew that Gojyo hadn’t just had drinks with Banri. Gojyo looked away, feeling vaguely humiliated once more. He didn’t know how Hakkai knew. Maybe Banri had said something, maybe Hakkai had smelled it on him, the way Banri had insinuated he could, maybe he just knew somehow. But the point was he knew. And the memory of what had happened that night and exactly who he’d been thinking of came back to Gojyo full-force.
He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing and stared at his shoes. “Sorry,” he said stupidly, not entirely sure what he was apologizing to Hakkai for. Everything, maybe. “If it…if it bothers you…” he trailed off, realizing he had no idea what to say next. Hakkai was quiet for a minute also.
“It does,” Hakkai said after a minute. “It does bother me.” Gojyo felt a bit cold inside. “It bothers me when you go out, when you are with other people,” Hakkai went on. He smiled a bit tightly, crookedly. “I suppose I’ve always been a very selfish person.”
Gojyo felt like he couldn’t take much more confusion in this conversation. Privately, he considered that someone needed to make a book, Hakkai-to-English, because he was increasingly feeling like he was losing the thread of what Hakkai was saying. “I…I know it’s not you’re thing,” he ventured uncertainly. “I mean, I know maybe you think it’s wrong or something…” He’d always figured that was why Hakkai disapproved of his bar-hopping and casual sex, anyway.
But Hakkai was looking a bit puzzled too, which was almost a relief to Gojyo, to know that he wasn’t the only one confused now. “No,” he said, sounding confused as well. “No, I don’t think it’s wrong, Gojyo. That’s not it at all.” Baffled, Gojyo stared at him, confused enough to forget some of his embarrassment and humiliation.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “Then why does it bother you so much?”
Hakkai’s expression was very careful and slightly closed. “I told you,” he said, his voice equal parts tight and patient. “I am a selfish person, Gojyo.”
It wasn’t so much that Gojyo had a hard time understanding what Hakkai appeared to be saying, but it was difficult to apply it himself and the situation. “You’re…jealous?” he asked dumbly. It had been the farthest thing from his mind and it was difficult for him to wrap his head around the idea.
“Yes,” Hakkai said, in that same careful tone and expression. “I had thought that would be clear.”
Gojyo blinked. “Not really,” he said faintly. He struggled momentarily with the urge to ask the prurient question of how exactly Hakkai meant he was jealous. “You’re…jealous as a friend?” he ventured slowly, fully expecting Hakkai to say that yes, of course, what else could he have possibly meant? The stony expression on Hakkai’s face and his continued silence answered the question better than words could have, though. And it was not the answer Gojyo had expected.
“Oh,” he said, yet again. He struggled to understand this, but his mind wasn’t exactly cooperating. Gojyo wasn’t surprised. He’d had an awful lot to take in tonight. This might’ve just tipped the scales a little too far. “Oh,” he said one more time.
“Yes,” Hakkai said, his expression and voice still very controlled. “I’m sorry. I understand if this makes you uncomfortable.” He was half-watching Gojyo for his reaction and half looking off to the side.
Gojyo was, at the moment, trying to make his mouth work and engage his brain at the same time. It wasn’t going particularly well, and all he managed to do was open and close his mouth repeatedly. He would have been more concerned about how stupid he must have looked if he hadn’t been so shocked.
“No,” he finally managed to say. “It doesn’t. Make me uncomfortable, I mean. It’s…I…” he babbled slightly for a minute, and spared a second to wonder exactly when he’d gotten so horrible at this sort of thing. He took an uncertain step towards Hakkai, and then another. Hakkai blinked at him, and Gojyo was tremendously relieved to see understanding slowly spreading across his face, despite Gojyo clumsy attempts at explanation.
“Oh,” Hakkai said, looking startled now. “Oh, I see.”
“Yeah,” Gojyo said, and then smiled stupidly, unable to help that either. He shifted a little closer to Hakkai, unable to help it. He was pleased to see a smile slowly starting on Hakkai’s face too. Hakkai reached out a hand to him uncertainly. Gojyo leaned in and let Hakkai touch him, still smiling.
“Well,” Hakkai said after a moment and carefully touched the side of his face. “We’ve both been rather foolish, haven’t we?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo said, before Hakkai closed the remaining distance between them and wiped the idiotic smile off his face with his own lips.
It was intense, the way Gojyo had always suspected Hakkai would kiss. His hands tangled themselves in Gojyo’s shirt, his mouth soft but demanding, and it was all Gojyo could do to keep himself from collapsing in Hakkai’s arms. He clutched at Hakkai, and kissed back as hard as he could, almost desperately, trying to convey something he couldn’t put into words. Hakkai was holding him tightly, pulling Gojyo against him more tightly every time Gojyo shifted.
Hakkai was warm and strong, and Gojyo could feel the shift of muscles under the skin, the deceptive strength Hakkai held behind his polite smiles. It was almost too much to think about all of a sudden, and Gojyo felt utterly out of control. He drew back, gasping for breath as he wrapped an arm around Hakkai’s shoulders. Hakkai pressed his forehead against Gojyo’s and Gojyo could feel the heat of his breath, the sound of his heart. He was so close, right there, and Gojyo felt almost hungry, as if he wanted to devour Hakkai whole, some part of him privately afraid he would never get this opportunity again and determined to make the most of it.
Fingers ran along the edge of his shirt, brushing against his stomach, and Gojyo pushed himself further into Hakkai’s hands, into his touch. He scraped his nails along the back of Hakkai’s neck, and felt a thrill go through him when Hakkai shuddered, aligning his hips with Gojyo and pressing against him.
Hakkai pulled back briefly, but only to pull Gojyo over to the adjoining bathroom. He reached into the shower and started up the water before turning back to Gojyo.
Hakkai disrobed both of them smoothly, neatly, and somehow that just made the whole thing bizarrely hotter. Gojyo opened his mouth, intending to say something, perhaps quiet the thrill inside of him by teasing Hakkai for thinking of housework at a time like this, but Hakkai turned and took hold of him before he could say a word, devouring Gojyo’s mouth with his own. Gojyo wrapped himself around Hakkai, almost drunk with the sensations, trying to touch every bit of him at once. Hakkai’s hand brushed along his shoulder, the small of his back, almost teasing, before he pushed him insistently into the shower.
Gojyo shivered as he was pushed under the spray, and fumbled to turn the heat up. He managed to turn the knob before Hakkai stepped into the shower with him, and then they were on each other once again. Gojyo couldn’t remember ever touching anyone like this, with this kind of passion, this desperation. He felt like he was drowning, and managed to spare a brief coherent and amused thought at that. A kappa drowning. He almost laughed into Hakkai’s mouth, and wrapped himself around Hakkai even tighter, almost exultant.
Hakkai’s hands on him were just as hungry, just as passionate. Gojyo slumped back against the cold tile, shivering as the spray warmed up, the steam brushing in his face. He tipped his head down into the spray, and opened his eyes, felt the hot water stream over his face. He watched Hakkai’s hands graze over his body, sliding into each crevice, marking every inch of skin. Gojyo tossed his head lightly, flicking damp strands of hair off of his face, loathe to take his eyes off Hakkai even for a minute. Hakkai looked up at him, looked up from his perusal of Gojyo’s body and smiled, honey-sweet and sharklike. Gojyo felt his stomach jump, a rush of arousal going straight to his cock.
He leaned in to kiss Gojyo again firmly, his hand grasping the back of Gojyo’s neck almost possessively. Gojyo arched against him, opening his mouth readily against Hakkai’s. His hands scrabbled against Hakkai’s wet skin, sliding over hard shoulders and hips. His fingers brushed briefly against Hakkai’s scar, and it felt firm and tough, before he plunged his hand downward, almost blindly, until it closed around the hot pulsing heat of Hakkai’s cock.
The way Hakkai gasped when Gojyo touched him made Gojyo want to throw him back against the wet tile and arch against Hakkai’s body like a cat. He settled for kissing Hakkai clumsily. Hakkai’s hand tangle itself furiously in his hair as he pushed his hips into Gojyo’s hand. Gojyo broke the kiss, gasping for breath as he jerked Hakkai’s off, and Hakkai bit lightly against Gojyo’s mouth, sucking at the skin violently.
Suddenly, Hakkai stopped him and pulled away. Gojyo froze a little, half-afraid that Hakkai was suddenly going to push him away and say he didn’t really want this. Instead, though, Hakkai gently slid Gojyo’s hand away from his cock, and pressed him back against the shower wall. Gojyo acquiesced, slumping against the hard surface, watching as Hakkai suddenly went down on his knees and took Gojyo’s cock into in mouth.
Gojyo sucked in a gasping, half-choked breath, and had to work hard to keep himself from thrusting into Hakkai’s mouth hungrily. It was perfect, hot and wet and sucking firmly, just hard enough to bring Gojyo to the edge but not enough to send him over. His hand slid around the base of Gojyo’s cock, wrapping tightly, building pressure until Gojyo wanted to scream. He dropped his head to his chest, breathing raggedly his eyes fixed helplessly on Hakkai. Hakkai looked up at him, and removed his mouth, and smiled, and Gojyo fumbled to grasp at his shoulder, clutching at him.
Hakkai gently disentangled himself from Gojyo’s hands, pushed him back when Gojyo leaned into him, and rose to his feet. Gojyo moved to wrap himself around Hakkai, press as close as he could, but Hakkai gripped his wrists as he reached out and leaned close, pressing his mouth against Gojyo’s ear.
“Turn around,” he said, and Gojyo complied, half-drunk on the sensations. Hakkai could have told him to toss himself off a building and he would have done it at this point. The hands on his hips were firm, sinking in just a little, just enough that Gojyo kept still for fear and moving too much would leave him with bruises. He wanted to touch Hakkai, but it was good like this too, feeling Hakkai touch him. He pressed his palm against the cold tile hard enough that his nails turned white at the edges, and dropped his head. He was hard, desperately close, and he sank his teeth into his lip, waiting impatiently as Hakkai fumbled around for the soap.
He spread his legs readily when he felt Hakkai’s hand between his thighs, letting out a shuddery breath of regret when Hakkai’s hand only slicked him with soap and then left. He repressed the urge to turn around or push himself back against Hakkai, and stilled when he felt Hakkai’s lips press against his shoulder, kissing his neck lightly, before Hakkai pushed inside him.
Hakkai slid in smoothly in one motion, and set a pace quickly, not giving Gojyo much time to adjust to the sensation of being filled, but he was so hard, so close, he didn’t really care. He scraped his nails futilely against the slick tile and tossed his head, gasping for breath. He didn’t know how long he could last like this. He had been so close since the first minute Hakkai had touched him, the sensations overwhelming him and spiraling through him, sucking him down. Hakkai didn’t seem like he was much farther off though, as he pressed his lips against the back of Gojyo’s neck, the brush of his cheek and chin against Gojyo’s shoulder becoming wilder as his thrusts sped up. His nails dug into Gojyo’s hips, his hands clutching with almost bruising force, but Gojyo didn’t care, all the could think of was more, faster, harder, now.
And suddenly, it felt like Hakkai hit something deep within him, and for a second Gojyo’s vision went white and his knees locked up as the force of his orgasm swept over him. He could feel Hakkai thrusting into him, hot gasps of breath against his neck, but Gojyo was mainly focusing on keeping himself upright, and not toppling right to the floor as the waves of pleasure slowly receded.
He felt it when Hakkai came, the hot rush inside of him, the way his hands clenched into his hips, and his head fell forward onto Gojyo’s shoulder. Gojyo leaned against the wall, the cool porcelain against his hot skin bringing him down slowly, and Hakkai leaned against his back, skin warm and slick with moisture and sweat. Gojyo sighed, softly, the warm rush of air fogging the tile, and held still, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Hakkai’s fingers circling his hips slowly, his mouth sucking and kissing lightly against Gojyo’s neck. He didn’t care if the building fell down around him or if there were a dozen murderous youkai waiting for them on the other side of the shower door. All he could think about was how he wanted to stay like this forever.
He slumped against the wet tile, feeling the cooling mist of the water. Hakkai was still pressed against him, his lips on the back of Gojyo’s neck. He was still buried deeply within Gojyo. Gojyo made a small sound of pleasure and exhaustion, and felt Hakkai’s body quiver slightly with laughter behind him. Hakkai carefully slid out, and Gojyo turned around, Hakkai’s hands helping him. He slumped bonelessly against the tile, and Hakkai leaned against him. Gojyo reached up to touch Hakkai’s hair almost involuntarily.
“I take it you enjoyed that?” Hakkai asked, sounding so damn proper and polite that Gojyo had to fight to keep from laughing.
“Ngh,” he mumbled, coiling his fingers in Hakkai’s hair. “Yeah.”
“Ah,” Hakkai said, sounding inordinately pleased with himself. “Good.” Gojyo would have bitten him, or poked him, or done something to punish him for that annoyingly smug tone, but was too tired, and increasingly sore.
“The water is getting cold,” Hakkai pointed out, but he made no effort to pull away. Gojyo touched his hair carefully, pleased. Hakkai’s fingers brushed against his hip.
“Mm. We should get out,” Gojyo agreed reluctantly after a moment, when the water was genuinely getting unpleasantly cold. Hakkai nodded against him, and pulled away. Gojyo shoved himself away from the tile and stumbled over to the shower door as Hakkai reached over to turn off the taps. He stepped out gingerly and fumbled for a towel. He snagged two off the rack and turned to hand one to Hakkai. Hakkai made a soft sound of appreciation and took it. Gojyo rubbed himself down carefully, trying to mop the sopping hair off his face. He felt hands come to rest on his head and the towel was taken from him. He turned slightly to see Hakkai drying his hair, his own towel tucked neatly around his waist, and it made something in his stomach clench pleasantly, fearful and happy all at the same time.
“Thanks,” he murmured, and let Hakkai dry him off. Hakkai smiled at him and finished. Once they’d dried, they made their way into their room and Gojyo set about trying to find clean clothes, a frighteningly familiar prospect. Hakkai was selecting his own clothing, his back to Gojyo. As he looked for clean sleep pants, at least, Gojyo ran through and discarded a handful of comments and topics of conversation. He had no idea what to say, and was almost afraid to keep silent. He found his pants and tugged them on.
He sat on his bed to watch Hakkai dressing and shut his eyes briefly, tired. It occurred to him that it had really been a long day, and an even longer night. He folded his legs half underneath himself so he was partially sitting up and watched Hakkai, trying to figure out what to say. He tried not to think too hard about the pressing questions at the back of his mind, and the implications of what had just happened. It was too damn late and he was too damn tired. He tried to turn his mind off, and when that didn’t work, he promised himself he could obsess about it all he liked tomorrow. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to work, either.
Hakkai finished dressing and half turned to look at Gojyo, sitting on his bed which suddenly seemed very far away.
“Ah,” Hakkai said. He paused, and looked briefly from his own bed to Gojyo’s. “I don’t suppose you’d like to…” He sounded almost hopeful, and Gojyo let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He nodded and tried not to look too relieved. He went over and climbed into Hakkai’s bed. Hakkai put out the lights and put their damp towels and dirty clothes neatly on the chair beside the bed before climbing in next to him.
Gojyo breathed quietly, lying on his back, and felt Hakkai’s arm just brush against his. He thought about touching Hakkai again and didn’t, and worried until his uncertainty was cut off by a sudden thought. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again.
“Um,” he said eloquently. He felt Hakkai turn to look at him. “You didn’t…uh. You didn’t kill him did you?” he asked anxiously. Hakkai paused.
“Well,” he said after a moment, his voice calm, but measured, “I certainly thought about it.” An implied no, then. Gojyo exhaled slowly, and stopped thinking about Banri’s dismembered body stuck underneath the bed.
“But,” Hakkai continued, his voice a bit more dangerous, “I expect I will if I ever see him again, so I’ll have to ask you not to bring him around again.” Gojyo laughed, startling himself.
“I don’t think we’ll see him again,” he said, and meant it. The odds of Banri making another appearance in his life seemed very slim, especially since Hakkai had only said he hadn’t killed Banri, and nothing else. “But…he is alive?”
“I suspect he may have quite a few bruises tomorrow,” Hakkai answered, sounding rather pleased. His fingers smoothed over the covers and brushed Gojyo’s arm. “And possibly a broken bone or two. But all things considered, I think I was very polite.” Gojyo winced, and nodded. Satisfied that Banri was still alive, he shifted a tiny bit so Hakkai was pressed against him just a little more. They lay together in companionable silence for a few moments more.
“We should get some sleep,” Hakkai said after a minute. “We do have an early day tomorrow, you know.” Gojyo nodded, and let out a breath and closed his eyes. He was more tired than he realized, and despite the fact that he still hadn’t quite had his questions answered, he thought he could sleep.
He’d drowsed for perhaps half a minute before Hakkai’s voice broke the silence. “And Gojyo?” he said suddenly.
“Mmph?” Gojyo asked groggily.
“We really must discuss your nightly activities,” Hakkai said in a tone of absolute seriousness.
Gojyo nodded, and muffled a laugh into the pillow and Hakkai’s arm settled around his side.
Gojyo exhaled slowly, before beginning to pry himself away from Banri. He suddenly felt very tired, but Banri’s fingers were still tangled in his hair and he didn’t remove them. Gojyo finally managed to free himself long enough to pull a few inches away. He stared at the wall, at the door, at the bed, at anything but Banri’s face in front of him. He could feel Banri looking at him and he knew Banri’s expression was half-lidded, lusty, and amused. He knew how Banri looked after sex, after all. Gojyo might’ve found it amusing too, if he hadn’t felt so uncomfortable. He tried to pull away again, but Banri kept a hold of him.
“What?” Banri asked. “S’wrong?”
“Nothing,” Gojyo sighed. He put his hands over his face, tried to push his hair back, and wondered how this whole night had gone so terribly wrong. He realized, with a dull shock, that he’d just let Banri give him a handjob against the wall of his room over the bar. He renewed his efforts at pulling away. He managed to pry himself out of Banri’s hands and stagger a few feet away.
Banri turned, still wiping his hand distractedly against his pants. Gojyo tried not to look at him and stared numbly at the wall instead. He rubbed the back of his hand against his mouth, smearing saliva, trying to rub the feeling off his lips.
There was a rasp of cloth and Banri stepped up behind him. Gojyo could feel his body heat, the brush of clothing against his back. He tensed slightly, feeling confused and stupid and unsated. Banri’s hands settled on his hips, tugging him back, and Gojyo considered yanking himself away, but that meant moving and moving seemed like too much work at the moment. He held still, half-hoping that if he closed his eyes, everything would wash away. Banri’s fingers skimmed the top of his pants, and his mouth settled against Gojyo’s neck.
“Hey,” he muttered, nudging his face into Gojyo’s neck. “You wanna…?” He nodded distractedly in the direction of the bed before settling his lips back against Gojyo’s neck, kissing and sucking lightly. Gojyo remembered that Banri had always had an oral fixation. He might’ve found it funny, in another time or place.
“Now?” he asked stupidly, dragging himself out of his confusion and tangled thoughts. He liked sex as much as anyone, but they’d both come less than five minutes ago. Banri’s thumbnail scraped against his hipbone, his mouth sucking hard enough on Gojyo’s neck that he expected there would be a mark later. Gojyo tried not to shudder, torn between yanking himself away and pushing against him harder.
“Yeah,” Banri mutter, laughing. “You don’t feel it? It’s this thing that makes all the youkai crazy. Makes me horny.” Gojyo privately doubted that Banri needed an excuse to be horny, but before he could say anything to that effect, or suggest they slow down, or run for the door, Banri spun him around.
Banri’s fingers insinuated themselves firmly in his hair again, and he pressed himself against Gojyo insistently. A large part of Gojyo wanted to pull away, but it still felt good, and Banri’s other hand was settling firmly against his hip, tugging him close until their bodies were flush. Gojyo could feel Banri getting hard again against his stomach and he sucked in a breath. Apparently, Banri wasn’t kidding about the minus wave increasing sexual tension. Gojyo couldn’t say he’d noticed any serious difference himself, but then the minus wave had also provided a distraction, largely in the number of assassins. Dealing with a dozen or more crazed youkai every day was surprisingly tiring, and frustration involved in sitting on your ass in a Jeep for hours each day did a good job of killing any lingering sexual tension.
But then maybe the reason he hadn’t felt any difference from the minus wave wasn’t due to the journey. He was only half-youkai, after all. He’d never feel such things as strongly as full youkai. Gojyo wondered with a bit of surprise whether Goku or Hakkai had noticed any increased sexual feelings and just never mentioned it. It seemed doubtful that Goku would have felt anything. He didn’t even seem to have any natural urges for a kid his age. It was a pity, because Gojyo was fully planning on torturing him as much as possible the second he hit puberty. Or possibly he’d just sit back and watch in amusement at Sanzo tried to deal with it. That would be equally fun.
Hakkai, though…had he felt something? For a moment, Gojyo dismissed the thought. Surely Hakkai would have told him if he’d experienced any side effects of the minus. But then again, maybe not. Hakkai almost never talked to him about anything related to his youkai blood. It was like he was ashamed of it. Gojyo couldn’t blame him, knowing what he did about the circumstances through which Hakkai had become a youkai. But he did remember how much Banri had disliked Hakkai when they’d met, and how he’d always suspected that that was a large part of it. Banri was always proud to be a youkai, and Hakkai still sometimes seemed disgusted by them.
He had only ever seen Hakkai without the limiters once, and Banri had been involved in that too, albeit distantly. Still, Hakkai had never talked about it, never wanted to talk about that night. Sometimes, Gojyo privately wondered if Hakkai hated him a little bit for being a youkai. It wouldn’t have been logical, but then nothing about the situation was logical. Either way, Hakkai had never mentioned a damn thing about how the minus wave made him feel, so Gojyo didn’t have a clue. Maybe he felt like this too.
Banri pushed against him until Gojyo was forced to back up. He staggered back a few feet, and felt the back of his legs bump against the bed. Banri pushed and him, and he fell back onto the bed, blindly reaching aside to shove the piles of clothing out of the way. They tumbled to the floor with dull thumps and rasps of cloth against cloth. Banri leaned over Gojyo, half straddling him, and kissed him again. Gojyo hesitated a minute before he kissed back, with an eagerness that surprised him only a little. He’d always loved to kiss, almost as much as he enjoyed sex itself. Something about the hot wet press of mouths, the tangling and thrusting of tongues that mimicked intercourse, and the quick, sharp nips of teeth against lips, never failed to turn him on.
Banri seemed to be enjoying the foreplay as well. His pervious orgasm seemed to have taken the edge off his lust, as it had for Gojyo and they took their time now, moving a bit more slowly but no less passionately. They broke apart to gasp for air after a moment and paused. Gojyo reached up to grab the collar of Banri’s shirt and tug him down. Banri fell on top of him, somewhat gracelessly, and their legs tangled together with easy familiarity. Banri pushed Gojyo up farther on the bed, and they shifted clumsily, their bodies still entwined. Banri’s cock pushed more insistently against Gojyo’s thigh, and Gojyo could feel himself getting hard again.
He clutched at Banri’s neck, sliding his hand up to brush over Banri’s hair, and felt the long, tapered ears bump against his wrist with some surprise. He’d forgotten, for a moment. He wasn’t use to touching youkai, at least not in this way, and not anymore. For a minute, he’d forgotten…
Would it be like this with Hakkai? The thought slammed into Gojyo’s brain with the force of a speeding bullet, or possibly a particularly vicious smack from Sanzo’s fan. Would Hakkai feel like this when he took off his limiters? The thought was shocking, and tantalizing. It wasn’t that Gojyo had never fantasized about Hakkai before. He’d fantasized about nearly everyone he knew, at one time or another. But in his sleepy, half-awake fantasies, the ones he imagined when he touched himself, when he woke up in the middle of the night, suddenly aroused, it hadn’t been like that. The Hakkai in his fantasies had been ephemeral, dreamlike, and definitely in a human form.
Banri pulled his mouth away from Gojyo’s once more to lick and suck down his neck, tugging Gojyo’s shirt out of the way so he had access to Gojyo’s bare chest. He braced one hand on the mattress, and wrapped the other in the fabric on Gojyo’s shirt, yanking it aside farther when he felt he needed more room to touch. Gojyo’s dug his nails into Banri’s shoulder when Banri licked lightly at one nipple, and privately relished Banri’s quiet yelp of pain as Gojyo’s nails sank sharply into his skin. He gave a light nip at the nipple in retaliation, and Gojyo shivered slightly and pushed himself into Banri’s hip trying to relieve the building pressure in his groin.
When he had imagined it, sex with Hakkai was easy and smooth, painless and relatively gentle. But when he thought of it now, Gojyo bet that Hakkai would be much rougher, especially without the limiters. Maybe he would bite and scratch too, clawing at skin with his long talons.
Banri shoved his leg between Gojyo’s suddenly, and began yanking their clothes away with determination. Gojyo helped, tugging off his own shirt as quickly as he could and leaving it crumpled under his back. Banri shucked his jacket and shirt too, and when he leaned back on top of Gojyo, Gojyo felt the damp heat of skin against his own. Banri’s fingers busied themselves with Gojyo’s pants, and Gojyo groaned out loud when Banri’s hand brushed over his bare cock. He kicked off the legs of his pants, not seeing where they went and not caring. Banri disposed of his own pants quickly and suddenly they were both naked.
Banri knelt over him for a moment, and Gojyo saw his cock now standing fully erect. Banri swooped back in to kiss Gojyo again, his mouth becoming more aggressive as his lust grew and his control faltered. Gojyo spread his legs so Banri could settle between them, and Banri did, planting one hand on the mattress beside Gojyo’s head so he could prop himself up and fumble, one-handed, through the nightstand drawer until his found what he was looking for. Gojyo heard the thick click of a cap snapping open. Banri shifted over him into a more comfortable position, and Gojyo squirmed slightly, trying to increase friction on his cock, which was also fully aroused.
“Turn over,” Banri whispered, his voice thick and hoarse with lust, and Gojyo complied without a second thought. He managed to roll over onto his stomach, and felt the crumpled shirt under his chest, the buttons digging into him slightly. There wasn’t much time to think about that, because he felt Banri’s thighs press against his ass before they pulled back and were replaced by Banri’s fingers, slicked with the lubricant. Gojyo pushed himself back, not caring much how careful Banri was with the preparation as long as it got him relief. His cock pulsed hot and almost painful into the blankets.
Banri didn’t seem to want to take his time either, and after another second to slick himself, Gojyo felt the blunt tip of his cock push against his entrance. Gojyo forced himself to still and wait until the pressure passed and he was filled completely. After Banri had slid all the way in, Gojyo dug his nails into the pillows. He chewed his lower lip as he felt Banri start thrusting.
He felt Banri’s sharp nails dig into his hips, and he shut his eyes. Hakkai’s nails would be sharp too, if he took off his limiters and exchanged the blunt, dull nails of his human form for the wicked claws of a youkai. His hair would be long, Gojyo remembered that much from the glimpse he’d gotten of Hakkai’s youkai form. It would have hung down in his face and brushed teasingly against Gojyo’s back. It was disturbingly easy to imagine, especially like this, when he couldn’t see Banri’s face. He could almost pretend Hakkai was fucking him. He groaned a little at the thought.
Gojyo wondered if Hakkai would talk during sex. Banri didn’t, and that only encouraged the fantasy. Somehow, he thought Hakkai would, whispering and growling things into his ear as he fucked Gojyo into the mattress. He could picture Hakkai like that, firm and domineering, pinning Gojyo down.
Banri’s nails grazed the side of Gojyo’s stomach (they could have been Hakkai's), and Gojyo squeezed his eyes shut. He could imagine Hakkai’s face, rapturous in pleasure, his features slack, his head thrown back. Gojyo bit the pillow, turning his face into it. If it was in Hakkai’s bed, it would smell like him too, like tea and laundry detergent, and the faintest hint of something muskier, sharper. Gojyo arched into the mattress, and felt Banri pick up his speed, and all it took was one last thought of Hakkai’s hands all over him, in his hair, around his neck as he was buried within Gojyo, before Gojyo came, muffling his yell into the pillow. He felt Banri’s thrusts grow wilder and deeper, before he finally stopped. Gojyo heard Banri groan faintly above him as he climaxed and slumped against Gojyo’s back.
Gojyo lay still, trying to catch him breath, for several moments, until the weight of Banri against him began to feel slightly oppressive, and the heat that had coursed through his blood cooled enough for him to think. He felt slightly cold inside, and abruptly ashamed. It seemed almost funny: he didn’t know what had tipped him over the edge, whether it was the sex with Banri or the fact that he was thinking about Hakkai the whole time. Still, he was suddenly very aware that he’d reached a breaking point he wasn’t aware he had.
He held still until Banri shifted over with a grunt and went to fumble through the nightstand, presumably for cigarettes. The stillness broken, Gojyo sat up and shifted away a little, letting Banri get what he wanted. He waited until Banri had lit up, taken a drag, and offered the cigarette. He took it numbly, and sucked a mouthful of soothing smoke before handing it back. He got up silently and started looking for his clothes.
Banri sprawled lazily against the bed, smoking and watching him. “Leaving?” he asked as Gojyo yanked on his crumpled shirt and dragged himself into his pants.
“Yeah,” Gojyo muttered. He didn’t expect Banri to say anything or try to stop him, and he wasn’t disappointed. He fumbled with his shoes and staggered toward the door.
“See you around, man,” Banri said, sounding infuriately calm, as if nothing had happened.
“Yeah,” Gojyo repeated, and shut the door behind him.
The night air was cool when he reached the street, the day’s heat finally sucked away into the sand. He walked slowly, carefully, and didn’t look up from his feet the whole time. It was quieter, now, and late enough that most of the earlier revelers had finally retired for the night. After what seemed like an hour of walking, Gojyo reached the inn.
He shuffled out onto the porch of the inn and paused. Slowly, he turned and slumped against the railing. He couldn’t imagine going inside, not now. Not after…that. It wasn’t even that late, and there was a good chance Hakkai would still be awake, anyway. And he was definitely in no shape to try and deal with Hakkai now. Not after what had just happened.
Gojyo tried not to think too hard about it, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that was easy to ignore. It seeped into his conscious mind no matter how hard he tried to push it away. Banri’s words to him, boldly declaring what Gojyo had already half-known but been too afraid to acknowledge to himself. He did have feelings for Hakkai, and he’d had them for a long time. He’d tried to hide them, mask them as feelings of friendship or lust, until they’d gotten too intense to ignore. And it was pretty obvious it hadn’t worked.
Gojyo shut his eyes and sank onto the steps of the porch, dropping his head into his hands. He’d visualized Hakkai’s hands on him, Hakkai’s mouth, Hakkai’s body…He’d been thinking about Hakkai while Banri was fucking him, there was no hiding from that fact. Gojyo kept his eyes closed and listened to his own uneven breathing. It was cold out now, so cold that each breath burned in his lungs. Gojyo fumbled through his pockets until he found a pack of cigarettes and shook one out, flicking at the lighter with fingers that were going numb from cold and shock.
The flame cracked to life after a few attempts, and Gojyo lit up and sucked in a lungful of warm smoke. The heat helped him relax and the nicotine steadied his nerves a little, and after a few more drags he felt a little less panicked, but no less afraid. He dropped his head back into one of his hands, the other flicking ash off the cigarette before lifting it to his mouth for another drag. He shrugged deeper into his shirt, belatedly realizing that he’d left his jacket on the floor of Banri’s room. He sighed, at rubbed at eyes that stung slightly from the smoke. Well, there was no way he was going back for it. It was a shame, though. He’d really liked that jacket.
He was suddenly seized with a fit of laughter, chuckling so hard he nearly choked on his cigarette. It seemed incredibly ludicrous that he was worrying about his jacket. That didn’t even make it into the top three most unfortunate things about tonight, maybe not even the top ten, if he really thought about it.
He didn’t want to think about it, though. He ground out the half-smoked cigarette in the soft earth under his heel and looked up at the night sky. The wind was picking up, and carrying away the last of the cigarette smoke. Gojyo could smell the sweat and sex on his own skin, and was briefly disgusted. He rubbed his hand over his eyes again, and shook his head, chuckling again but this time at himself. He actually slept with Banri. Again. That, too, probably deserved a spot on a list, The Top Ten Stupidest Things He’d Ever Done. Sleeping with an ex-friend who tried to kill you and then abruptly introduced you to the fact that you were in love with someone else moments before fucking you…that had to rate pretty high on the scale of stupid things.
The self-pity and self-disgust were almost comforting, and Gojyo felt a bizarre urge to cling to them a little while longer. When they passed, there would be nothing left but deciding what to do next, and that wasn’t really something he wanted to deal with. Still, he thought ruefully, it wasn’t like he had much choice. He couldn’t stop time, and the night was already half-over. Sooner or later, he’d have to go upstairs and deal with Hakkai and the others. It wasn’t like he had any other options. After all, the last time he’d tried running away, the others had made it pretty clear he’d be in big trouble if he ever tried it again. He scuffed the toe of his boot in the damp earth, watched as it dragged a clean line in the soil, and looked up reluctantly.
It didn’t have to be so bad, he told himself. It wasn’t as if Hakkai knew anything. He could keep everything that happened tonight to himself. It wasn’t as if anyone else had to know, he reminded himself with slight relief. He could just go on the way he had, and pretend that nothing had happened. He nodded to himself silently. No one else needed to know anything. It would be better that way. Hakkai was his friend, and that was all he was ever going to be. And that was all right.
Gojyo stared at his shoes, at his hands, and nodded to himself again, more soberly. That was the way it was supposed to be anyway. It wasn’t like he could expect anything more. It wasn’t like he deserved anything more.
He didn’t even know if Hakkai liked guys, and even if he did, it was pretty obvious he’d never care about anyone as much as her . He’d never even seen Hakkai with anyone, despite the fact that quite a few women had taken a pretty obvious liking to him, back home. He’d never responded to any of them. Maybe he didn’t want to be with anyone else. That was probably for the best.
He’d never tell Hakkai that he thought of him that way. All it would do was make both of them uncomfortable, and that would be a serious problem, considering they had to spend their days together in a rather small Jeep. He’d just keep quiet about it. It would be for the best. Gojyo heaved a sigh, dragging himself slowly to his feet and shrugging more deeply into his shirt before heading reluctantly inside.
It was warmer inside at least, and Gojyo loosened his hold on his shirt as he picked his way up the dimly lit stairs. They creaked dully, making Gojyo tread a little lighter. He shook his head at himself, annoyed by his bizarre fear that he would wake someone up. He walked slowly to the door of the room he and Hakkai shared, and froze when he saw light underneath it. Hakkai was still awake then. Gojyo’s hand hovered over the doorknob, before he forced himself to turn it. He reminded himself forcefully that waiting wasn’t going to make things any easier, but hovering outside the door in the middle of the night might make him look like a bit of a nutcase. He opened the door and went in.
Hakkai was sitting on the bed, his expressions very calm. Too calm. Gojyo had known Hakkai long enough to be able to tell when his expression concealed other feelings. He stilled in the doorway, suddenly very aware of his rumpled clothing and the smell of sweat that clung to his skin. He nearly cringed back before edging his way slowly in. Hakkai was looking at him steadily, but Gojyo didn’t meet his gaze. He was very aware that Hakkai wasn’t reading or anything. In fact, he looked like he’d been waiting. Gojyo’s stomach knotted a little in anxiety.
“Uh. Hey,” he said, forcing a light tone. He shuffled over to the bed, before digging through his pack for another jacket. The atmosphere in the room seemed to have become a little chillier.
“Perhaps you are looking for this?” Hakkai asked, his voice deceptively mild. Gojyo half-turned, a little fearfully, and saw Hakkai holding up his jacket. The one he’d left in Banri’s room. The knot it Gojyo’s stomach abruptly worsened.
“Um. Where’d you get that?” Gojyo asked, once he’d managed to recover his voice. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know. There were several ways Hakkai’s might’ve gotten the jacket, but all of them involved him having contact with Banri, which was not something Gojyo wanted to think about. He inched back a little against the bed, and tried to keep a relatively casual expression on his face. He doubted he was fooling anyone though.
Hakkai stood, and Gojyo resisted the sudden and inexplicable urge to run. Hakkai looked almost aggressively calm right now, and Gojyo knew that nothing good could possibly come from such an expression.
“Your friend Banri was kind enough to return it,” Hakkai said, voice icy.
“Oh,” Gojyo said, not knowing what else to say. He wondered suddenly what had happened to Banri and resisted the urge to look for a body in some corner of the room.
“I understand you had a bit of a reunion with him,” Hakkai said evenly. Gojyo made a quiet sound that was meant to be an assent. He was still examining the floor, both to check for signs of blood and body parts, and as a way to avoid Hakkai’s eyes.
Hakkai didn’t say anything more for a moment, apparently waiting for Gojyo to offer something, but Gojyo didn’t know what to say and he felt increasingly uncomfortable and embarrassed. If it had been anyone but Hakkai, he would have outright refused to talk about it at all. And if it had been anybody but Banri, there would have been absolutely nothing to talk about. But since it was Banri, the guy who had kind of left him for a dead a couple years back, and it was Hakkai, who had never liked Banri and ended up saving Gojyo’s ass (and whom Gojyo had recently been fantasizing about, but he blocked that memory out for now), it made for a slightly messy situation.
And then Gojyo abruptly remembered exactly the circumstances he and Hakkai had last seen Banri under. While it somehow hadn’t seemed so bad when he was drinking with Banri a couple hours ago, looking at it through Hakkai’s eyes Gojyo was starting to feel extremely stupid. Again. He shuffled a little where he stood. He was still discreetly examining the room for a dead body, but was relieved not to see one.
“Yeah,” he croaked finally, feeling Hakkai’s eyes bore into him even as he refused to meet Hakkai’s stare. “Yeah, I saw him.” Hakkai nodded minutely.
“I see,” he said tightly.
“I met him down in the bar,” Gojyo continued, feeling embarrassed and like he had to explain himself. “We had a few drinks.” Hakkai was still staring at him. He was silent a moment and appeared to be arguing with himself over whether he would say anything or not. Gojyo waited mutely, feeling a little like a child about to be scolded, which made him feel even more embarrassed and faintly angry at the way Hakkai was treating him.
“After what he did to you,” Hakkai finally continued, voice cold, “you had drinks with him?” Gojyo pressed his lips together tightly and tried to rein in his growing anger. He really didn’t want to do this now; he didn’t want a repeat of their earlier fight. Not now, when he was so tired and confused and ashamed, half-angry and half-stuck on the memory of imagining Hakkai when he’d been doing that with Banri.
“It’s not really any of your business,” he said tightly, trying to keep himself from saying anything he’d regret later. “If I want to have drinks with him, I can. You’re not my keeper.”
He sounded a little angrier than he’d meant to, and he realized a little of the resentment from earlier was clinging to him, the irritation at Hakkai telling him where to go and when to come back.
For a minute, a strange expression crossed Hakkai’s face and Gojyo couldn’t tell if he was angry or shocked or what. He tensed, expecting Hakkai to finally lose his tightly controlled temper and yell at him or throw a punch or something, but after a minute Hakkai appeared to reel himself in and turned around.
“I suppose you’re right,” he said in a strange voice, somewhere between angry and resigned. “Of course, it’s your business. You can do whatever you like.”
“Don’t,” Gojyo said furiously, before he realized the words had come out of his mouth. Hakkai turned back slightly and blinked in surprise. Gojyo shut his eyes briefly and exhaled hard, scrubbing a hand over his face. Part of him wanted to let this go and just go to bed and pretend none of this had ever happened. He wanted to sleep, and wake up in the morning and just forget everything, but another part of him had dug its heels in and refused to let this go. He didn’t want to let Hakkai sweep this under the rug, somehow.
“Just…don’t,” Gojyo finally said. “Don’t do this. Just…I’m an idiot, I know. Okay? I know that.”
Hakkai was silent for a minute, and his shoulders sagged a little as he stood across from Gojyo. “No,” he said. “You’re right. This is none of my business. I have no right to tell you what to do.”
Gojyo didn’t particularly like his tone, the self-deprecation in it, but he was so relieved that most of the anger had gone out of Hakkai’s voice and stance that he didn’t press it.
“It is your business,” he insisted weakly. “I mean, he kind of screwed you over too. Just because I know he’s an asshole and accept it doesn’t mean you have to.” He smiled faintly, hopefully at Hakkai. He desperately wanted to stop fighting, no matter how terrible he was at apologizing and making up and how embarrassed and stupid he was feeling now.
Hakkai was silent before saying, “Well. That’s just it, though. I wasn’t particularly angry at him for anything he did to me.” Gojyo blinked, unsure what to say.
“Oh,” he finally said, a little stupidly. Hakkai finally turned fully and looked at him steadily.
“He betrayed you. He treated you poorly. I was angry at him for that, Gojyo, not for anything he did to me.”
“Oh,” Gojyo said again.
“But,” Hakkai continued. “I suppose it’s not my place to resent him for that. If you choose to forgive him, to…” here Hakkai paused carefully, “associate with him, that isn’t any of my business.”
Gojyo opened his mouth, and then shut it. Hakkai had placed delicate emphasis on the word ‘associate’, leaving Gojyo little doubt that he knew that Gojyo hadn’t just had drinks with Banri. Gojyo looked away, feeling vaguely humiliated once more. He didn’t know how Hakkai knew. Maybe Banri had said something, maybe Hakkai had smelled it on him, the way Banri had insinuated he could, maybe he just knew somehow. But the point was he knew. And the memory of what had happened that night and exactly who he’d been thinking of came back to Gojyo full-force.
He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing and stared at his shoes. “Sorry,” he said stupidly, not entirely sure what he was apologizing to Hakkai for. Everything, maybe. “If it…if it bothers you…” he trailed off, realizing he had no idea what to say next. Hakkai was quiet for a minute also.
“It does,” Hakkai said after a minute. “It does bother me.” Gojyo felt a bit cold inside. “It bothers me when you go out, when you are with other people,” Hakkai went on. He smiled a bit tightly, crookedly. “I suppose I’ve always been a very selfish person.”
Gojyo felt like he couldn’t take much more confusion in this conversation. Privately, he considered that someone needed to make a book, Hakkai-to-English, because he was increasingly feeling like he was losing the thread of what Hakkai was saying. “I…I know it’s not you’re thing,” he ventured uncertainly. “I mean, I know maybe you think it’s wrong or something…” He’d always figured that was why Hakkai disapproved of his bar-hopping and casual sex, anyway.
But Hakkai was looking a bit puzzled too, which was almost a relief to Gojyo, to know that he wasn’t the only one confused now. “No,” he said, sounding confused as well. “No, I don’t think it’s wrong, Gojyo. That’s not it at all.” Baffled, Gojyo stared at him, confused enough to forget some of his embarrassment and humiliation.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “Then why does it bother you so much?”
Hakkai’s expression was very careful and slightly closed. “I told you,” he said, his voice equal parts tight and patient. “I am a selfish person, Gojyo.”
It wasn’t so much that Gojyo had a hard time understanding what Hakkai appeared to be saying, but it was difficult to apply it himself and the situation. “You’re…jealous?” he asked dumbly. It had been the farthest thing from his mind and it was difficult for him to wrap his head around the idea.
“Yes,” Hakkai said, in that same careful tone and expression. “I had thought that would be clear.”
Gojyo blinked. “Not really,” he said faintly. He struggled momentarily with the urge to ask the prurient question of how exactly Hakkai meant he was jealous. “You’re…jealous as a friend?” he ventured slowly, fully expecting Hakkai to say that yes, of course, what else could he have possibly meant? The stony expression on Hakkai’s face and his continued silence answered the question better than words could have, though. And it was not the answer Gojyo had expected.
“Oh,” he said, yet again. He struggled to understand this, but his mind wasn’t exactly cooperating. Gojyo wasn’t surprised. He’d had an awful lot to take in tonight. This might’ve just tipped the scales a little too far. “Oh,” he said one more time.
“Yes,” Hakkai said, his expression and voice still very controlled. “I’m sorry. I understand if this makes you uncomfortable.” He was half-watching Gojyo for his reaction and half looking off to the side.
Gojyo was, at the moment, trying to make his mouth work and engage his brain at the same time. It wasn’t going particularly well, and all he managed to do was open and close his mouth repeatedly. He would have been more concerned about how stupid he must have looked if he hadn’t been so shocked.
“No,” he finally managed to say. “It doesn’t. Make me uncomfortable, I mean. It’s…I…” he babbled slightly for a minute, and spared a second to wonder exactly when he’d gotten so horrible at this sort of thing. He took an uncertain step towards Hakkai, and then another. Hakkai blinked at him, and Gojyo was tremendously relieved to see understanding slowly spreading across his face, despite Gojyo clumsy attempts at explanation.
“Oh,” Hakkai said, looking startled now. “Oh, I see.”
“Yeah,” Gojyo said, and then smiled stupidly, unable to help that either. He shifted a little closer to Hakkai, unable to help it. He was pleased to see a smile slowly starting on Hakkai’s face too. Hakkai reached out a hand to him uncertainly. Gojyo leaned in and let Hakkai touch him, still smiling.
“Well,” Hakkai said after a moment and carefully touched the side of his face. “We’ve both been rather foolish, haven’t we?”
“Yeah,” Gojyo said, before Hakkai closed the remaining distance between them and wiped the idiotic smile off his face with his own lips.
It was intense, the way Gojyo had always suspected Hakkai would kiss. His hands tangled themselves in Gojyo’s shirt, his mouth soft but demanding, and it was all Gojyo could do to keep himself from collapsing in Hakkai’s arms. He clutched at Hakkai, and kissed back as hard as he could, almost desperately, trying to convey something he couldn’t put into words. Hakkai was holding him tightly, pulling Gojyo against him more tightly every time Gojyo shifted.
Hakkai was warm and strong, and Gojyo could feel the shift of muscles under the skin, the deceptive strength Hakkai held behind his polite smiles. It was almost too much to think about all of a sudden, and Gojyo felt utterly out of control. He drew back, gasping for breath as he wrapped an arm around Hakkai’s shoulders. Hakkai pressed his forehead against Gojyo’s and Gojyo could feel the heat of his breath, the sound of his heart. He was so close, right there, and Gojyo felt almost hungry, as if he wanted to devour Hakkai whole, some part of him privately afraid he would never get this opportunity again and determined to make the most of it.
Fingers ran along the edge of his shirt, brushing against his stomach, and Gojyo pushed himself further into Hakkai’s hands, into his touch. He scraped his nails along the back of Hakkai’s neck, and felt a thrill go through him when Hakkai shuddered, aligning his hips with Gojyo and pressing against him.
Hakkai pulled back briefly, but only to pull Gojyo over to the adjoining bathroom. He reached into the shower and started up the water before turning back to Gojyo.
Hakkai disrobed both of them smoothly, neatly, and somehow that just made the whole thing bizarrely hotter. Gojyo opened his mouth, intending to say something, perhaps quiet the thrill inside of him by teasing Hakkai for thinking of housework at a time like this, but Hakkai turned and took hold of him before he could say a word, devouring Gojyo’s mouth with his own. Gojyo wrapped himself around Hakkai, almost drunk with the sensations, trying to touch every bit of him at once. Hakkai’s hand brushed along his shoulder, the small of his back, almost teasing, before he pushed him insistently into the shower.
Gojyo shivered as he was pushed under the spray, and fumbled to turn the heat up. He managed to turn the knob before Hakkai stepped into the shower with him, and then they were on each other once again. Gojyo couldn’t remember ever touching anyone like this, with this kind of passion, this desperation. He felt like he was drowning, and managed to spare a brief coherent and amused thought at that. A kappa drowning. He almost laughed into Hakkai’s mouth, and wrapped himself around Hakkai even tighter, almost exultant.
Hakkai’s hands on him were just as hungry, just as passionate. Gojyo slumped back against the cold tile, shivering as the spray warmed up, the steam brushing in his face. He tipped his head down into the spray, and opened his eyes, felt the hot water stream over his face. He watched Hakkai’s hands graze over his body, sliding into each crevice, marking every inch of skin. Gojyo tossed his head lightly, flicking damp strands of hair off of his face, loathe to take his eyes off Hakkai even for a minute. Hakkai looked up at him, looked up from his perusal of Gojyo’s body and smiled, honey-sweet and sharklike. Gojyo felt his stomach jump, a rush of arousal going straight to his cock.
He leaned in to kiss Gojyo again firmly, his hand grasping the back of Gojyo’s neck almost possessively. Gojyo arched against him, opening his mouth readily against Hakkai’s. His hands scrabbled against Hakkai’s wet skin, sliding over hard shoulders and hips. His fingers brushed briefly against Hakkai’s scar, and it felt firm and tough, before he plunged his hand downward, almost blindly, until it closed around the hot pulsing heat of Hakkai’s cock.
The way Hakkai gasped when Gojyo touched him made Gojyo want to throw him back against the wet tile and arch against Hakkai’s body like a cat. He settled for kissing Hakkai clumsily. Hakkai’s hand tangle itself furiously in his hair as he pushed his hips into Gojyo’s hand. Gojyo broke the kiss, gasping for breath as he jerked Hakkai’s off, and Hakkai bit lightly against Gojyo’s mouth, sucking at the skin violently.
Suddenly, Hakkai stopped him and pulled away. Gojyo froze a little, half-afraid that Hakkai was suddenly going to push him away and say he didn’t really want this. Instead, though, Hakkai gently slid Gojyo’s hand away from his cock, and pressed him back against the shower wall. Gojyo acquiesced, slumping against the hard surface, watching as Hakkai suddenly went down on his knees and took Gojyo’s cock into in mouth.
Gojyo sucked in a gasping, half-choked breath, and had to work hard to keep himself from thrusting into Hakkai’s mouth hungrily. It was perfect, hot and wet and sucking firmly, just hard enough to bring Gojyo to the edge but not enough to send him over. His hand slid around the base of Gojyo’s cock, wrapping tightly, building pressure until Gojyo wanted to scream. He dropped his head to his chest, breathing raggedly his eyes fixed helplessly on Hakkai. Hakkai looked up at him, and removed his mouth, and smiled, and Gojyo fumbled to grasp at his shoulder, clutching at him.
Hakkai gently disentangled himself from Gojyo’s hands, pushed him back when Gojyo leaned into him, and rose to his feet. Gojyo moved to wrap himself around Hakkai, press as close as he could, but Hakkai gripped his wrists as he reached out and leaned close, pressing his mouth against Gojyo’s ear.
“Turn around,” he said, and Gojyo complied, half-drunk on the sensations. Hakkai could have told him to toss himself off a building and he would have done it at this point. The hands on his hips were firm, sinking in just a little, just enough that Gojyo kept still for fear and moving too much would leave him with bruises. He wanted to touch Hakkai, but it was good like this too, feeling Hakkai touch him. He pressed his palm against the cold tile hard enough that his nails turned white at the edges, and dropped his head. He was hard, desperately close, and he sank his teeth into his lip, waiting impatiently as Hakkai fumbled around for the soap.
He spread his legs readily when he felt Hakkai’s hand between his thighs, letting out a shuddery breath of regret when Hakkai’s hand only slicked him with soap and then left. He repressed the urge to turn around or push himself back against Hakkai, and stilled when he felt Hakkai’s lips press against his shoulder, kissing his neck lightly, before Hakkai pushed inside him.
Hakkai slid in smoothly in one motion, and set a pace quickly, not giving Gojyo much time to adjust to the sensation of being filled, but he was so hard, so close, he didn’t really care. He scraped his nails futilely against the slick tile and tossed his head, gasping for breath. He didn’t know how long he could last like this. He had been so close since the first minute Hakkai had touched him, the sensations overwhelming him and spiraling through him, sucking him down. Hakkai didn’t seem like he was much farther off though, as he pressed his lips against the back of Gojyo’s neck, the brush of his cheek and chin against Gojyo’s shoulder becoming wilder as his thrusts sped up. His nails dug into Gojyo’s hips, his hands clutching with almost bruising force, but Gojyo didn’t care, all the could think of was more, faster, harder, now.
And suddenly, it felt like Hakkai hit something deep within him, and for a second Gojyo’s vision went white and his knees locked up as the force of his orgasm swept over him. He could feel Hakkai thrusting into him, hot gasps of breath against his neck, but Gojyo was mainly focusing on keeping himself upright, and not toppling right to the floor as the waves of pleasure slowly receded.
He felt it when Hakkai came, the hot rush inside of him, the way his hands clenched into his hips, and his head fell forward onto Gojyo’s shoulder. Gojyo leaned against the wall, the cool porcelain against his hot skin bringing him down slowly, and Hakkai leaned against his back, skin warm and slick with moisture and sweat. Gojyo sighed, softly, the warm rush of air fogging the tile, and held still, closing his eyes and enjoying the feel of Hakkai’s fingers circling his hips slowly, his mouth sucking and kissing lightly against Gojyo’s neck. He didn’t care if the building fell down around him or if there were a dozen murderous youkai waiting for them on the other side of the shower door. All he could think about was how he wanted to stay like this forever.
He slumped against the wet tile, feeling the cooling mist of the water. Hakkai was still pressed against him, his lips on the back of Gojyo’s neck. He was still buried deeply within Gojyo. Gojyo made a small sound of pleasure and exhaustion, and felt Hakkai’s body quiver slightly with laughter behind him. Hakkai carefully slid out, and Gojyo turned around, Hakkai’s hands helping him. He slumped bonelessly against the tile, and Hakkai leaned against him. Gojyo reached up to touch Hakkai’s hair almost involuntarily.
“I take it you enjoyed that?” Hakkai asked, sounding so damn proper and polite that Gojyo had to fight to keep from laughing.
“Ngh,” he mumbled, coiling his fingers in Hakkai’s hair. “Yeah.”
“Ah,” Hakkai said, sounding inordinately pleased with himself. “Good.” Gojyo would have bitten him, or poked him, or done something to punish him for that annoyingly smug tone, but was too tired, and increasingly sore.
“The water is getting cold,” Hakkai pointed out, but he made no effort to pull away. Gojyo touched his hair carefully, pleased. Hakkai’s fingers brushed against his hip.
“Mm. We should get out,” Gojyo agreed reluctantly after a moment, when the water was genuinely getting unpleasantly cold. Hakkai nodded against him, and pulled away. Gojyo shoved himself away from the tile and stumbled over to the shower door as Hakkai reached over to turn off the taps. He stepped out gingerly and fumbled for a towel. He snagged two off the rack and turned to hand one to Hakkai. Hakkai made a soft sound of appreciation and took it. Gojyo rubbed himself down carefully, trying to mop the sopping hair off his face. He felt hands come to rest on his head and the towel was taken from him. He turned slightly to see Hakkai drying his hair, his own towel tucked neatly around his waist, and it made something in his stomach clench pleasantly, fearful and happy all at the same time.
“Thanks,” he murmured, and let Hakkai dry him off. Hakkai smiled at him and finished. Once they’d dried, they made their way into their room and Gojyo set about trying to find clean clothes, a frighteningly familiar prospect. Hakkai was selecting his own clothing, his back to Gojyo. As he looked for clean sleep pants, at least, Gojyo ran through and discarded a handful of comments and topics of conversation. He had no idea what to say, and was almost afraid to keep silent. He found his pants and tugged them on.
He sat on his bed to watch Hakkai dressing and shut his eyes briefly, tired. It occurred to him that it had really been a long day, and an even longer night. He folded his legs half underneath himself so he was partially sitting up and watched Hakkai, trying to figure out what to say. He tried not to think too hard about the pressing questions at the back of his mind, and the implications of what had just happened. It was too damn late and he was too damn tired. He tried to turn his mind off, and when that didn’t work, he promised himself he could obsess about it all he liked tomorrow. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to work, either.
Hakkai finished dressing and half turned to look at Gojyo, sitting on his bed which suddenly seemed very far away.
“Ah,” Hakkai said. He paused, and looked briefly from his own bed to Gojyo’s. “I don’t suppose you’d like to…” He sounded almost hopeful, and Gojyo let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He nodded and tried not to look too relieved. He went over and climbed into Hakkai’s bed. Hakkai put out the lights and put their damp towels and dirty clothes neatly on the chair beside the bed before climbing in next to him.
Gojyo breathed quietly, lying on his back, and felt Hakkai’s arm just brush against his. He thought about touching Hakkai again and didn’t, and worried until his uncertainty was cut off by a sudden thought. He opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again.
“Um,” he said eloquently. He felt Hakkai turn to look at him. “You didn’t…uh. You didn’t kill him did you?” he asked anxiously. Hakkai paused.
“Well,” he said after a moment, his voice calm, but measured, “I certainly thought about it.” An implied no, then. Gojyo exhaled slowly, and stopped thinking about Banri’s dismembered body stuck underneath the bed.
“But,” Hakkai continued, his voice a bit more dangerous, “I expect I will if I ever see him again, so I’ll have to ask you not to bring him around again.” Gojyo laughed, startling himself.
“I don’t think we’ll see him again,” he said, and meant it. The odds of Banri making another appearance in his life seemed very slim, especially since Hakkai had only said he hadn’t killed Banri, and nothing else. “But…he is alive?”
“I suspect he may have quite a few bruises tomorrow,” Hakkai answered, sounding rather pleased. His fingers smoothed over the covers and brushed Gojyo’s arm. “And possibly a broken bone or two. But all things considered, I think I was very polite.” Gojyo winced, and nodded. Satisfied that Banri was still alive, he shifted a tiny bit so Hakkai was pressed against him just a little more. They lay together in companionable silence for a few moments more.
“We should get some sleep,” Hakkai said after a minute. “We do have an early day tomorrow, you know.” Gojyo nodded, and let out a breath and closed his eyes. He was more tired than he realized, and despite the fact that he still hadn’t quite had his questions answered, he thought he could sleep.
He’d drowsed for perhaps half a minute before Hakkai’s voice broke the silence. “And Gojyo?” he said suddenly.
“Mmph?” Gojyo asked groggily.
“We really must discuss your nightly activities,” Hakkai said in a tone of absolute seriousness.
Gojyo nodded, and muffled a laugh into the pillow and Hakkai’s arm settled around his side.
