(fic) Annunciation
Jun. 4th, 2008 08:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cicerThe revenge of the mpreg! You have no chance to survive, make your time.
Sequel to Embarazado. I've been fighting with this damn thing for months. I must've rewritten this three times, and I still couldn't quite get it to do what I wanted it to do. Also, this is unbeta'd, so forgive any typos!
"What?"
Gojyo gawked at his brother across the scratched bar counter. Swallowing hard, he waited for Jien to start laughing and assure him that he’d only been joking. Instead, Jien just stared into his half-empty glass and looked vaguely uncomfortable.
Gojyo blinked. He couldn’t remember Jien ever joking like this before, but clearly he must have developed a perverse sense of humor in the decade or so they’d been apart. Because if he wasn’t joking, then...well, then he had to be serious. But that was impossible.
Jien continued to peer into his half-empty glass, looking rueful and a little embarrassed. Gojyo stared at him some more, and the silence stretched on for several seconds. "What?" he finally repeated.
Jien crooked a smile and rubbed his thumb along the edge of the greasy glass. "I know it’s weird," he admitted.
That, Gojyo thought, was the fucking understatement of the century.
More to the point, the whole situation was weird. He hadn’t known exactly what to expect when he’d run into Jien while wandering around town after leaving the others behind at the inn, but he’d thought it would be something more along the lines of a fight. He most definitely hadn’t expected Jien to shuffle his feet, look a little awkward, and suddenly invite him to get a drink at the nearest bar.
He shouldn’t have gone, and he knew it. They were supposed to be trying to kill each other, after all, and it was possible the whole thing was some kind of trick. Of course, Gojyo wasn’t exactly sure how inviting someone out for a drink could be a trick, but it seemed prudent to be cautious anyway.
It was stupid to agree to a drink, like they were old pals or something, or at least two men who weren’t supposed to be enemies. He knew that, and he’d meant to say no. But then Jien had hunched his shoulders and said he needed to talk and before Gojyo could think better of it, he had found himself leading the way to the nearest bar.
The idea of Jien wanting to talk to him had put a knot in his stomach, but he’d forced himself to ignore it and put on a confident façade. He had thought he was prepared to hear whatever Jien had to say to him. But as soon as Jien made his little announcement Gojyo knew he was desperately, tragically wrong.
Gojyo tapped his fingers on his glass and watched Jien fiddle with his own drink. He appeared to be waiting for Gojyo to say something. Gojyo took a long swallow of his whiskey, hoping to wet his suddenly dry throat.
"How?" he finally choked out, coughing slightly as the alcohol burned its way to his stomach. He stared at Jien again, and watched him wince slightly. "I thought...I mean, I thought he was a guy," he stuttered.
"He is," Jien said simply. Gojyo opened his mouth, and then closed it hard. His teeth clicked audibly.
"That’s not, you know, possible." His voice sounded strained to his own ears, and he grimaced. He sounded like he was trying to persuade a lunatic that the voices in his head weren’t real. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Uh. Physically. It’s not...guys can’t..." Gojyo broke off suddenly, unable bring himself to finish the sentence.
Jien ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. He didn’t answer, just signaled the bartender for another round. Gojyo waited until the fresh drinks were put in front of them and the bartender retreated to the other side of the bar.
"It’s...complicated," Jien said finally, then added, "It’s a long story." Gojyo studied him carefully, and then drained his glass at stared at the bar counter.
"I’ve got time," he said. It was early, he thought. The others wouldn’t expect him back for a couple of hours, at least. If he didn’t come back for a while, Gojyo knew they’d just assume he was out drinking or trying to pick up chicks. They didn’t need to know the truth, Gojyo decided, and was a faintly surprised at how easy it was for him to decide to keep this from them. Apparently blood was thicker than water, he thought wryly.
Jien gave him a brief, unreadable look and sighed again. "There’s this guy. This doctor. He’s helping with the resurrection. It’s...well. It’s a long story, but he got a hold of Kou for a while. Did some experiments on him, we’re not sure what. And now..." he broke off and gestured a little helplessly. Gojyo blinked and tried to wrap his head around that information.
"The guy’s a freak," Jien muttered, almost to himself. "We knew he’d done something fucked up, but we didn’t think..." He trailed off again.
Gojyo dug his thumbnail absently into the scratched wood of the bar and studied Jien. He looked...mad. Really mad. Gojyo couldn’t exactly blame him; he didn’t think anybody would be too thrilled to be in his place. Or Kougaiji’s, for that matter. Still, it was strange to see such frank hatred on Jien’s face. Gojyo could barely even remember him getting angry.
A hot, unpleasant emotions knotted in Gojyo’s stomach, and he swallowed again and stilled his fingers on the bar counter. It had been a long time since he’d known Jien, he reminded himself. He scrubbed a hand over his face. It was hard to remember that, sometimes. The man sitting next to him wasn’t the person he’d known when he was a kid.
He wasn’t even Jien anymore, not really. He was going by Dokugakuji these days. Gojyo understood the importance behind a new name, the new identity it represented, but somehow he still couldn’t help thinking of Jien the same way he always had.
Gojyo frowned down at his glass. Every time he looked at Jien, he felt twelve years old again, like a day hadn’t passed that they’d been apart. He didn’t know how he felt about that.
Jerking himself back to the conversation at hand, Gojyo cleared his throat. Jien’s words echoed in his head. Everything he’d said was completely bizarre, but somehow Gojyo found he couldn’t consider it unbelievable. Sure, the whole thing was profoundly weird, but then, he’d had a weird couple of years. Maybe even a weird life. He’d seen the Merciful Goddess in the flesh. He’d seen people killed, and then brought back to life. A meddling scientist royally screwing with the natural method of reproduction wasn’t actually the weirdest thing he’d ever heard of.
Gojyo wondered idly what that said about him. Nothing good, probably.
Gojyo drummed his fingers on the counter again, and managed to speak with some effort. "So," he said slowly, unable to look Jien in the eye, "You’re sure?"
"We’re sure," Jien said simply. Gojyo thought for a minute and tried to come up with an appropriate response.
"Huh," he finally said. To himself, he admitted that it wasn’t the most eloquent comment, but given the situation, a noncommittal response the best way to go. Lifting a hand, Gojyo scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully.
It was really, really weird to think of Kougaiji being pregnant, and Gojyo realized it wasn’t just because he was a guy. Kougaiji had always seemed to be a remote and impersonal figure, someone occupied with things Gojyo didn’t understand and had little interest in. Gojyo knew his place in their little group of travelers; he was along for his muscle, not his ability to negotiate with youkai princes. Still, Gojyo found himself oddly curious about what Kougaiji thought about the whole thing. He chewed on the edge of his lip, and glanced sideways at Jien.
There was no point in asking Jien how Kougaiji was holding up, he decided. It seemed too personal somehow. Gojyo thought it would sound weird, anyway, and if Jien asked why he cared, Gojyo knew he wouldn’t be able to answer.
Still, he couldn’t shake a nagging feeling of sympathy. He couldn’t imagine that this was a situation the poor guy had ever expected to be in. He considered, very briefly, what he’d do in the same circumstances, and immediately decided that it wasn’t something he wanted to think about too deeply.
Unfortunately, before he could shut down that train of thought completely, his mind produced several highly unpleasant questions, most centering around the logistics of the birth. Gojyo opened his mouth, and then shut it, quickly deciding that he didn’t want to ask.
He took another swallow of alcohol, but it did nothing to ease the morbid curiosity that was gnawing away at his mind. Wincing, he cleared his throat again and waited until Jien turned toward him.
"How will it...uh..." he gestured vaguely between his legs in a manner he hope Jien would understand as referring to the birth. "Because, you know, if he’s a guy...how does it...?" Gojyo broke off, utterly at a loss as to how to finish the sentence without asking something he’d regret saying and Jien would regret hearing.
Jien went a little pale, though, and Gojyo realized he’d probably already said too much. Jien swallowed, and Gojyo watched his throat work for a moment before he said, "Yaone will figure something out. Probably...surgery. Something like that."
Gojyo nodded heartily, relieved at the vague answer. He then drained his glass quickly, hoping they whiskey would effectively blot out the graphic illustrations of childbirth that his mind had helpfully provided.
Jien didn’t say anything else, and they were both silent for several minutes. Gojyo played with his empty glass and tried to think clearly. The shock he’d felt at first was quickly subsiding, but in its place was a nagging curiosity. Gojyo found himself wondering about certain things that he was fairly sure he had no right to ask, but couldn’t help thinking about. He struggled with his curiosity for a few seconds before deciding that Jien hadn’t wanted to answer questions, he shouldn’t have said anything. He shifted in his seat awkwardly, and felt Jien looking at him again.
"So," he said. He studied the film of alcohol on the bottom of his glass so he wouldn’t have to look his brother in the face, and tried to sound casual. "Whose is it?" He felt Jien’s discomfort and uncertainly acutely and stared at the bar, waiting silently.
"Mine," Jien said, finally. "It’s mine." Gojyo nodded at the scratched counter, and studied the half-empty bottles lined up behind the bar. Internally, he tried to process this new bit of information. The weirdest part, he realized, was the he wasn’t even surprised. He felt like he known already, somehow, though he didn’t exactly know why.
Gojyo kicked the toe of his foot lightly against the bar as he thought. It wasn’t like he’d seen Kougaiji and Jien together much, but somehow he’d always thought something had been going on between them. Still, he couldn’t help but be a little taken aback. He hadn’t even known Jien liked guys.
And the fact that that was the thing he found strangest about the whole situation, that he hadn’t known his brother swung both ways, suddenly struck Gojyo as incredibly funny. He nearly choked on his own saliva while trying to smother a laugh.
Jien looked and him, and Gojyo forced himself to meet his eyes while trying to hold in his laughter. Jien looked a little suspicious and slightly uncertain, and Gojyo schooled his face into a more serious expression. "Sorry," he choked out. "I just didn’t know that...you know, you went that way."
He had meant to sound reassuring, but Jien didn’t look reassured. Instead, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and pushed his glass away to look at Gojyo cautiously. "Is that a problem?" he asked carefully. The hesitancy in his voice crushed Gojyo’s remaining amusement.
"No," he said quickly. "No, no, it’s not a problem. I mean, it’s not like I’m..." Gojyo broke off abruptly as it occurred to him that while he wanted to reassure Jien, he didn’t want to do it by sharing his own sexual history. The whole conversation was already veering perilously close to the territory of Too Much Information, and fuck, but he still couldn’t get the horrible images of childbirth out of his head.
He paused, and then cleared his throat. "It’s fine," he said, as gently as he could, and looked Jien in the eye. Gradually, some of the tension went out of Jien’s shoulders and he stopped looking like he might bolt. Gojyo felt himself relax too.
Slowly, he picked at the glass and tried to figure out whether it would be a bad idea to ask any more questions. He suspected he was pushing his luck as it was, and Jien didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk much.
Gojyo began to wonder why Jien had even bothered to tell him in the first place. Straightening up, Gojyo realized that it was awfully weird that he’d just happened to run into Jien, when they were both alone. Maybe, he thought, it hadn’t been an accident. Maybe Jien had been looking for him.
The knot in his stomach returned with a vengeance, and Gojyo wasn’t sure what to think. He glanced at Jien and waited until Jien looked back at him.
"Why did you tell me?" he asked softly. Jien flinched slightly, and Gojyo half-wished he’d phrased his question a little more gently, but he’d never been much for subtlety and they both knew it. Jien looked down briefly, and then looked him straight in the eye.
"I thought you’d want to know. I thought...you’re my brother." He stopped, and Gojyo saw his throat working again. Looking away, Gojyo couldn’t help but swallow hard himself. He swore inwardly and regretted asking. The bartender was already looking at them funny, and Gojyo couldn’t imagine what the guy would think if he started crying or something.
Gojyo scrubbed his hands over his pant legs and wished he had a cigarette to distract himself. He tried to think about something else, anything other than how long it had been since Jien had called him his brother like that, like it meant something. Anything other than how maybe Jien had come all this way to find him, just because he thought Gojyo would want to know that he was going to be an uncle. Anything that wouldn’t force him to get all choked up in the middle of the bar, though he supposed he could attempt to pass it off as having had too much to drink.
He picked at the edge of his jacket and studied his lap intently until he was sure he could speak without embarrassing himself.
"So, you’re going to...uh, keep it?" It sounded like Jien planned to, and privately, Gojyo hoped he did. He didn’t really know Kougaiji, but he knew Jien would be a good dad. Gojyo blinked hard and tried not to think about that too much.
"Yeah." Gojyo was somewhat comforted by the fact that Jien’s voice wasn’t entirely steady either, and he couldn’t seem to bring himself to look at Gojyo anymore than Gojyo could look at him. "Yeah, we are."
"Well," Gojyo said, after a long pause. He blinked, and then reached over to give Jien a solid, manly thump on the arm. "Congratulations." It seemed to be the only thing to say.
Jien stared at him for a moment, and then broke into a smile so wide and brilliant that Gojyo had to look away. He hunched over the bar counter and let his hair swing in front of his face, and reminded himself again that crying in the middle of a bar was not acceptable behavior.
After another silence, Jien cleared his throat, and said, "Thanks." Gojyo nodded at the scratched countertop and swirled his empty glass.
"So," he started, and then stopped because he wasn’t quite sure about what he was going to ask. He put his glass back down, took a deep breath, and then resumed. "Can I...you know, see it? I mean, him. Or her. You know. When it..." he paused, and groped for a euphemism that wouldn’t remind him of his earlier mental picture of childbirth. "When it comes," he finished weakly.
Gojyo didn’t have to look at his brother to know that he was smiling again, the soft, understanding smile Gojyo hadn’t seen in years. He couldn’t bring himself to look and stared into his glass instead.
"Yeah. Sure. I’ll bring the kid over to meet you. You can teach ‘em how to play cards and all that." Gojyo flicked a glance and Jien and saw him hide a grin. He couldn’t help but smile back a little.
"You better not leave the kid alone with me for too long. I might teach them all kinds of stuff. Turn them into a little card shark and everything. You better be careful," he warned.
"I think it’ll be fine," Jien said, still grinning.
"Or," Gojyo started, narrowing his eyes, "I could tell them all kinds of embarrassing stories about their Dad." He watched, gratified, as Jien paused, apparently nervous. "I could tell them about the time he tried to impress a girl by getting her hat off the roof and ended up falling on his—" He broke off as Jien gave him a shove with his shoulder.
Gojyo reeled sideways slightly, and thought to himself how Jien was so much stronger than he remembered. Reflexively, he shot out a leg to kick Jien in the shin. Jien grabbed his knee to stop him, and they wrestled halfheartedly, nearly falling off their barstools until Gojyo found himself laughing too hard to fight back.
Jien helped him back onto his stool, and the bartender glowered at them as he came to take away their empty glasses. His scowl only increased when Jien declined to order another round, and Gojyo suspected they’d be asked to leave soon.
Shoving his hair back, Gojyo ran his fingers through the tangled ends and leaned against the bar. "So," he said. He strove for a casual tone and knew he missed it by a mile. "I guess I’ll see you again, then?"
Jien smiled slightly, and scuffed a hand over Gojyo’s hair like he had when Gojyo was small. "Yeah. We’re bound to meet up again sooner or later, aren’t we?" Gojyo ducked his head, but couldn’t bring himself to shake off Jien’s hand.
It was true, he thought. They were bound to meet up later. The farther they got west, the likelier another meeting seemed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something he could feel pleased about. Plus, Gojyo reflected, as he stared at his scuffed shoes, the prospect of fighting, especially of fighting Kougaiji, had just changed a good deal.
"What should I...uh, tell the others?" Gojyo asked tilting his head back slightly as Jien’s hand slid from his hair. "You know. If we do have to fight you guys...well." Jien frowned, and Gojyo frowned back. "I think they’d want to know, is all."
They would want to know, Gojyo realized; that was the odd part. He had no idea how they’d react, but he felt sure they’d want to know. Sanzo, he thought, would probably be sullen and disinterested as usual, but he suspected Goku would be excited on Kougaiji’s behalf. As for Hakkai, Gojyo could just see him knitting baby booties. He held back a snort.
Jien cleared his throat awkwardly, and said, "I guess you can tell them. We...don’t really want it getting around too much, but I guess the four of you can be trusted." He stopped, and made an odd face, as if he realized he irony of that statement. Gojyo couldn’t hold back his amusement any longer and chuckled.
"Okay," he muttered, and then straightened up and nudged Jien in the side. "Well, go on, get out of here! Don’t you have anything better to do than hang around in a bar? Great example that’s gonna set for the kid."
Jien pushed away from the bar, and smiled till Gojyo had to duck his head again. "Yeah. Guess I should be going." He slid off the stool and gathered his coat, swinging it around his shoulders. "Take care, yeah?"
"Right," Gojyo agreed and watched Jien’s broad back as he walked toward the door. "Hey!" he shouted, just as Jien stepped onto the threshold. He waited until Jien turned around and then fixed him with a glare. "Aren’t you supposed to give me a cigar or something? Lazy bastard."
For a moment, Jien looked surprised. Then his face relaxed into a grin. "Next time," he promised, and Gojyo nodded grudgingly.
He waited until Jien was gone, and then turned back to the bar. The bartender glared at him, and Gojyo figured he was wondering if Gojyo was going to order another drink or just take up counter space. He waved for another round, and the bartender’s surly expression eased. He deposited Gojyo’s drink in front of him, then eyed the door.
"Old friend?" he asked. Gojyo winced; the old man had a voice that sounded like he gargled with whiskey and gasoline.
"Huh?"
"Fella who was drinkin’ with you. Old friend?" He fixed Gojyo with another suspicious look, and Gojyo began to suspect he didn’t know how to make any other expression. Shaking his head, Gojyo tipped most of the drink back and dropped the glass on the counter.
"Nah." He paused. "That was my brother." The words sounded strange in his mouth, but somehow familiar, and he smiled faintly at the grizzled bartender, who nodded sagely.
"Hah," he commented, and scrubbed at the counter with a greasy-looking rag. "What did your brother want with you, then?"
"Nothing. I mean..." Gojyo toyed with the glass. "He just wanted to tell me I’ll be an uncle soon." The old man blinked at him and Gojyo blinked back. The whole thing somehow seemed more real when he said it out loud.
"Hoh? Well. Congratulations then," the bartender muttered.
Someone down at the other end of the bar shouted for a drink, and the old man ambled off, limping along with the gait of a man who had long ago lost the proper use of his knees.
Gojyo stared at the spot where the man had been, and swallowed the rest of the whiskey. Digging hand into his pocket, he dumped the money for his drinks on the counter and left the empty glass alongside it.
"Thanks," he told the empty air. He slid from his seat and walked, slowly, back to the inn.
Sequel to Embarazado. I've been fighting with this damn thing for months. I must've rewritten this three times, and I still couldn't quite get it to do what I wanted it to do. Also, this is unbeta'd, so forgive any typos!
"What?"
Gojyo gawked at his brother across the scratched bar counter. Swallowing hard, he waited for Jien to start laughing and assure him that he’d only been joking. Instead, Jien just stared into his half-empty glass and looked vaguely uncomfortable.
Gojyo blinked. He couldn’t remember Jien ever joking like this before, but clearly he must have developed a perverse sense of humor in the decade or so they’d been apart. Because if he wasn’t joking, then...well, then he had to be serious. But that was impossible.
Jien continued to peer into his half-empty glass, looking rueful and a little embarrassed. Gojyo stared at him some more, and the silence stretched on for several seconds. "What?" he finally repeated.
Jien crooked a smile and rubbed his thumb along the edge of the greasy glass. "I know it’s weird," he admitted.
That, Gojyo thought, was the fucking understatement of the century.
More to the point, the whole situation was weird. He hadn’t known exactly what to expect when he’d run into Jien while wandering around town after leaving the others behind at the inn, but he’d thought it would be something more along the lines of a fight. He most definitely hadn’t expected Jien to shuffle his feet, look a little awkward, and suddenly invite him to get a drink at the nearest bar.
He shouldn’t have gone, and he knew it. They were supposed to be trying to kill each other, after all, and it was possible the whole thing was some kind of trick. Of course, Gojyo wasn’t exactly sure how inviting someone out for a drink could be a trick, but it seemed prudent to be cautious anyway.
It was stupid to agree to a drink, like they were old pals or something, or at least two men who weren’t supposed to be enemies. He knew that, and he’d meant to say no. But then Jien had hunched his shoulders and said he needed to talk and before Gojyo could think better of it, he had found himself leading the way to the nearest bar.
The idea of Jien wanting to talk to him had put a knot in his stomach, but he’d forced himself to ignore it and put on a confident façade. He had thought he was prepared to hear whatever Jien had to say to him. But as soon as Jien made his little announcement Gojyo knew he was desperately, tragically wrong.
Gojyo tapped his fingers on his glass and watched Jien fiddle with his own drink. He appeared to be waiting for Gojyo to say something. Gojyo took a long swallow of his whiskey, hoping to wet his suddenly dry throat.
"How?" he finally choked out, coughing slightly as the alcohol burned its way to his stomach. He stared at Jien again, and watched him wince slightly. "I thought...I mean, I thought he was a guy," he stuttered.
"He is," Jien said simply. Gojyo opened his mouth, and then closed it hard. His teeth clicked audibly.
"That’s not, you know, possible." His voice sounded strained to his own ears, and he grimaced. He sounded like he was trying to persuade a lunatic that the voices in his head weren’t real. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Uh. Physically. It’s not...guys can’t..." Gojyo broke off suddenly, unable bring himself to finish the sentence.
Jien ran a hand through his short hair and sighed. He didn’t answer, just signaled the bartender for another round. Gojyo waited until the fresh drinks were put in front of them and the bartender retreated to the other side of the bar.
"It’s...complicated," Jien said finally, then added, "It’s a long story." Gojyo studied him carefully, and then drained his glass at stared at the bar counter.
"I’ve got time," he said. It was early, he thought. The others wouldn’t expect him back for a couple of hours, at least. If he didn’t come back for a while, Gojyo knew they’d just assume he was out drinking or trying to pick up chicks. They didn’t need to know the truth, Gojyo decided, and was a faintly surprised at how easy it was for him to decide to keep this from them. Apparently blood was thicker than water, he thought wryly.
Jien gave him a brief, unreadable look and sighed again. "There’s this guy. This doctor. He’s helping with the resurrection. It’s...well. It’s a long story, but he got a hold of Kou for a while. Did some experiments on him, we’re not sure what. And now..." he broke off and gestured a little helplessly. Gojyo blinked and tried to wrap his head around that information.
"The guy’s a freak," Jien muttered, almost to himself. "We knew he’d done something fucked up, but we didn’t think..." He trailed off again.
Gojyo dug his thumbnail absently into the scratched wood of the bar and studied Jien. He looked...mad. Really mad. Gojyo couldn’t exactly blame him; he didn’t think anybody would be too thrilled to be in his place. Or Kougaiji’s, for that matter. Still, it was strange to see such frank hatred on Jien’s face. Gojyo could barely even remember him getting angry.
A hot, unpleasant emotions knotted in Gojyo’s stomach, and he swallowed again and stilled his fingers on the bar counter. It had been a long time since he’d known Jien, he reminded himself. He scrubbed a hand over his face. It was hard to remember that, sometimes. The man sitting next to him wasn’t the person he’d known when he was a kid.
He wasn’t even Jien anymore, not really. He was going by Dokugakuji these days. Gojyo understood the importance behind a new name, the new identity it represented, but somehow he still couldn’t help thinking of Jien the same way he always had.
Gojyo frowned down at his glass. Every time he looked at Jien, he felt twelve years old again, like a day hadn’t passed that they’d been apart. He didn’t know how he felt about that.
Jerking himself back to the conversation at hand, Gojyo cleared his throat. Jien’s words echoed in his head. Everything he’d said was completely bizarre, but somehow Gojyo found he couldn’t consider it unbelievable. Sure, the whole thing was profoundly weird, but then, he’d had a weird couple of years. Maybe even a weird life. He’d seen the Merciful Goddess in the flesh. He’d seen people killed, and then brought back to life. A meddling scientist royally screwing with the natural method of reproduction wasn’t actually the weirdest thing he’d ever heard of.
Gojyo wondered idly what that said about him. Nothing good, probably.
Gojyo drummed his fingers on the counter again, and managed to speak with some effort. "So," he said slowly, unable to look Jien in the eye, "You’re sure?"
"We’re sure," Jien said simply. Gojyo thought for a minute and tried to come up with an appropriate response.
"Huh," he finally said. To himself, he admitted that it wasn’t the most eloquent comment, but given the situation, a noncommittal response the best way to go. Lifting a hand, Gojyo scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully.
It was really, really weird to think of Kougaiji being pregnant, and Gojyo realized it wasn’t just because he was a guy. Kougaiji had always seemed to be a remote and impersonal figure, someone occupied with things Gojyo didn’t understand and had little interest in. Gojyo knew his place in their little group of travelers; he was along for his muscle, not his ability to negotiate with youkai princes. Still, Gojyo found himself oddly curious about what Kougaiji thought about the whole thing. He chewed on the edge of his lip, and glanced sideways at Jien.
There was no point in asking Jien how Kougaiji was holding up, he decided. It seemed too personal somehow. Gojyo thought it would sound weird, anyway, and if Jien asked why he cared, Gojyo knew he wouldn’t be able to answer.
Still, he couldn’t shake a nagging feeling of sympathy. He couldn’t imagine that this was a situation the poor guy had ever expected to be in. He considered, very briefly, what he’d do in the same circumstances, and immediately decided that it wasn’t something he wanted to think about too deeply.
Unfortunately, before he could shut down that train of thought completely, his mind produced several highly unpleasant questions, most centering around the logistics of the birth. Gojyo opened his mouth, and then shut it, quickly deciding that he didn’t want to ask.
He took another swallow of alcohol, but it did nothing to ease the morbid curiosity that was gnawing away at his mind. Wincing, he cleared his throat again and waited until Jien turned toward him.
"How will it...uh..." he gestured vaguely between his legs in a manner he hope Jien would understand as referring to the birth. "Because, you know, if he’s a guy...how does it...?" Gojyo broke off, utterly at a loss as to how to finish the sentence without asking something he’d regret saying and Jien would regret hearing.
Jien went a little pale, though, and Gojyo realized he’d probably already said too much. Jien swallowed, and Gojyo watched his throat work for a moment before he said, "Yaone will figure something out. Probably...surgery. Something like that."
Gojyo nodded heartily, relieved at the vague answer. He then drained his glass quickly, hoping they whiskey would effectively blot out the graphic illustrations of childbirth that his mind had helpfully provided.
Jien didn’t say anything else, and they were both silent for several minutes. Gojyo played with his empty glass and tried to think clearly. The shock he’d felt at first was quickly subsiding, but in its place was a nagging curiosity. Gojyo found himself wondering about certain things that he was fairly sure he had no right to ask, but couldn’t help thinking about. He struggled with his curiosity for a few seconds before deciding that Jien hadn’t wanted to answer questions, he shouldn’t have said anything. He shifted in his seat awkwardly, and felt Jien looking at him again.
"So," he said. He studied the film of alcohol on the bottom of his glass so he wouldn’t have to look his brother in the face, and tried to sound casual. "Whose is it?" He felt Jien’s discomfort and uncertainly acutely and stared at the bar, waiting silently.
"Mine," Jien said, finally. "It’s mine." Gojyo nodded at the scratched counter, and studied the half-empty bottles lined up behind the bar. Internally, he tried to process this new bit of information. The weirdest part, he realized, was the he wasn’t even surprised. He felt like he known already, somehow, though he didn’t exactly know why.
Gojyo kicked the toe of his foot lightly against the bar as he thought. It wasn’t like he’d seen Kougaiji and Jien together much, but somehow he’d always thought something had been going on between them. Still, he couldn’t help but be a little taken aback. He hadn’t even known Jien liked guys.
And the fact that that was the thing he found strangest about the whole situation, that he hadn’t known his brother swung both ways, suddenly struck Gojyo as incredibly funny. He nearly choked on his own saliva while trying to smother a laugh.
Jien looked and him, and Gojyo forced himself to meet his eyes while trying to hold in his laughter. Jien looked a little suspicious and slightly uncertain, and Gojyo schooled his face into a more serious expression. "Sorry," he choked out. "I just didn’t know that...you know, you went that way."
He had meant to sound reassuring, but Jien didn’t look reassured. Instead, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and pushed his glass away to look at Gojyo cautiously. "Is that a problem?" he asked carefully. The hesitancy in his voice crushed Gojyo’s remaining amusement.
"No," he said quickly. "No, no, it’s not a problem. I mean, it’s not like I’m..." Gojyo broke off abruptly as it occurred to him that while he wanted to reassure Jien, he didn’t want to do it by sharing his own sexual history. The whole conversation was already veering perilously close to the territory of Too Much Information, and fuck, but he still couldn’t get the horrible images of childbirth out of his head.
He paused, and then cleared his throat. "It’s fine," he said, as gently as he could, and looked Jien in the eye. Gradually, some of the tension went out of Jien’s shoulders and he stopped looking like he might bolt. Gojyo felt himself relax too.
Slowly, he picked at the glass and tried to figure out whether it would be a bad idea to ask any more questions. He suspected he was pushing his luck as it was, and Jien didn’t seem to be in the mood to talk much.
Gojyo began to wonder why Jien had even bothered to tell him in the first place. Straightening up, Gojyo realized that it was awfully weird that he’d just happened to run into Jien, when they were both alone. Maybe, he thought, it hadn’t been an accident. Maybe Jien had been looking for him.
The knot in his stomach returned with a vengeance, and Gojyo wasn’t sure what to think. He glanced at Jien and waited until Jien looked back at him.
"Why did you tell me?" he asked softly. Jien flinched slightly, and Gojyo half-wished he’d phrased his question a little more gently, but he’d never been much for subtlety and they both knew it. Jien looked down briefly, and then looked him straight in the eye.
"I thought you’d want to know. I thought...you’re my brother." He stopped, and Gojyo saw his throat working again. Looking away, Gojyo couldn’t help but swallow hard himself. He swore inwardly and regretted asking. The bartender was already looking at them funny, and Gojyo couldn’t imagine what the guy would think if he started crying or something.
Gojyo scrubbed his hands over his pant legs and wished he had a cigarette to distract himself. He tried to think about something else, anything other than how long it had been since Jien had called him his brother like that, like it meant something. Anything other than how maybe Jien had come all this way to find him, just because he thought Gojyo would want to know that he was going to be an uncle. Anything that wouldn’t force him to get all choked up in the middle of the bar, though he supposed he could attempt to pass it off as having had too much to drink.
He picked at the edge of his jacket and studied his lap intently until he was sure he could speak without embarrassing himself.
"So, you’re going to...uh, keep it?" It sounded like Jien planned to, and privately, Gojyo hoped he did. He didn’t really know Kougaiji, but he knew Jien would be a good dad. Gojyo blinked hard and tried not to think about that too much.
"Yeah." Gojyo was somewhat comforted by the fact that Jien’s voice wasn’t entirely steady either, and he couldn’t seem to bring himself to look at Gojyo anymore than Gojyo could look at him. "Yeah, we are."
"Well," Gojyo said, after a long pause. He blinked, and then reached over to give Jien a solid, manly thump on the arm. "Congratulations." It seemed to be the only thing to say.
Jien stared at him for a moment, and then broke into a smile so wide and brilliant that Gojyo had to look away. He hunched over the bar counter and let his hair swing in front of his face, and reminded himself again that crying in the middle of a bar was not acceptable behavior.
After another silence, Jien cleared his throat, and said, "Thanks." Gojyo nodded at the scratched countertop and swirled his empty glass.
"So," he started, and then stopped because he wasn’t quite sure about what he was going to ask. He put his glass back down, took a deep breath, and then resumed. "Can I...you know, see it? I mean, him. Or her. You know. When it..." he paused, and groped for a euphemism that wouldn’t remind him of his earlier mental picture of childbirth. "When it comes," he finished weakly.
Gojyo didn’t have to look at his brother to know that he was smiling again, the soft, understanding smile Gojyo hadn’t seen in years. He couldn’t bring himself to look and stared into his glass instead.
"Yeah. Sure. I’ll bring the kid over to meet you. You can teach ‘em how to play cards and all that." Gojyo flicked a glance and Jien and saw him hide a grin. He couldn’t help but smile back a little.
"You better not leave the kid alone with me for too long. I might teach them all kinds of stuff. Turn them into a little card shark and everything. You better be careful," he warned.
"I think it’ll be fine," Jien said, still grinning.
"Or," Gojyo started, narrowing his eyes, "I could tell them all kinds of embarrassing stories about their Dad." He watched, gratified, as Jien paused, apparently nervous. "I could tell them about the time he tried to impress a girl by getting her hat off the roof and ended up falling on his—" He broke off as Jien gave him a shove with his shoulder.
Gojyo reeled sideways slightly, and thought to himself how Jien was so much stronger than he remembered. Reflexively, he shot out a leg to kick Jien in the shin. Jien grabbed his knee to stop him, and they wrestled halfheartedly, nearly falling off their barstools until Gojyo found himself laughing too hard to fight back.
Jien helped him back onto his stool, and the bartender glowered at them as he came to take away their empty glasses. His scowl only increased when Jien declined to order another round, and Gojyo suspected they’d be asked to leave soon.
Shoving his hair back, Gojyo ran his fingers through the tangled ends and leaned against the bar. "So," he said. He strove for a casual tone and knew he missed it by a mile. "I guess I’ll see you again, then?"
Jien smiled slightly, and scuffed a hand over Gojyo’s hair like he had when Gojyo was small. "Yeah. We’re bound to meet up again sooner or later, aren’t we?" Gojyo ducked his head, but couldn’t bring himself to shake off Jien’s hand.
It was true, he thought. They were bound to meet up later. The farther they got west, the likelier another meeting seemed. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something he could feel pleased about. Plus, Gojyo reflected, as he stared at his scuffed shoes, the prospect of fighting, especially of fighting Kougaiji, had just changed a good deal.
"What should I...uh, tell the others?" Gojyo asked tilting his head back slightly as Jien’s hand slid from his hair. "You know. If we do have to fight you guys...well." Jien frowned, and Gojyo frowned back. "I think they’d want to know, is all."
They would want to know, Gojyo realized; that was the odd part. He had no idea how they’d react, but he felt sure they’d want to know. Sanzo, he thought, would probably be sullen and disinterested as usual, but he suspected Goku would be excited on Kougaiji’s behalf. As for Hakkai, Gojyo could just see him knitting baby booties. He held back a snort.
Jien cleared his throat awkwardly, and said, "I guess you can tell them. We...don’t really want it getting around too much, but I guess the four of you can be trusted." He stopped, and made an odd face, as if he realized he irony of that statement. Gojyo couldn’t hold back his amusement any longer and chuckled.
"Okay," he muttered, and then straightened up and nudged Jien in the side. "Well, go on, get out of here! Don’t you have anything better to do than hang around in a bar? Great example that’s gonna set for the kid."
Jien pushed away from the bar, and smiled till Gojyo had to duck his head again. "Yeah. Guess I should be going." He slid off the stool and gathered his coat, swinging it around his shoulders. "Take care, yeah?"
"Right," Gojyo agreed and watched Jien’s broad back as he walked toward the door. "Hey!" he shouted, just as Jien stepped onto the threshold. He waited until Jien turned around and then fixed him with a glare. "Aren’t you supposed to give me a cigar or something? Lazy bastard."
For a moment, Jien looked surprised. Then his face relaxed into a grin. "Next time," he promised, and Gojyo nodded grudgingly.
He waited until Jien was gone, and then turned back to the bar. The bartender glared at him, and Gojyo figured he was wondering if Gojyo was going to order another drink or just take up counter space. He waved for another round, and the bartender’s surly expression eased. He deposited Gojyo’s drink in front of him, then eyed the door.
"Old friend?" he asked. Gojyo winced; the old man had a voice that sounded like he gargled with whiskey and gasoline.
"Huh?"
"Fella who was drinkin’ with you. Old friend?" He fixed Gojyo with another suspicious look, and Gojyo began to suspect he didn’t know how to make any other expression. Shaking his head, Gojyo tipped most of the drink back and dropped the glass on the counter.
"Nah." He paused. "That was my brother." The words sounded strange in his mouth, but somehow familiar, and he smiled faintly at the grizzled bartender, who nodded sagely.
"Hah," he commented, and scrubbed at the counter with a greasy-looking rag. "What did your brother want with you, then?"
"Nothing. I mean..." Gojyo toyed with the glass. "He just wanted to tell me I’ll be an uncle soon." The old man blinked at him and Gojyo blinked back. The whole thing somehow seemed more real when he said it out loud.
"Hoh? Well. Congratulations then," the bartender muttered.
Someone down at the other end of the bar shouted for a drink, and the old man ambled off, limping along with the gait of a man who had long ago lost the proper use of his knees.
Gojyo stared at the spot where the man had been, and swallowed the rest of the whiskey. Digging hand into his pocket, he dumped the money for his drinks on the counter and left the empty glass alongside it.
"Thanks," he told the empty air. He slid from his seat and walked, slowly, back to the inn.
