(ficlet) Sotto Voce

[cicer]

A few days ago, devikun wasn't feeling well and to cheer her up I offered to write manporn for her. Unfortunately, I'm dreadful at getting things done in a timely manner, so she's probably (hopefully!) feeling better by now, but there's porn anyway! Sorry this took so long, devikun! Hope you like it!

The prompt was Hakkai/Gojyo, 'unexpected touch', and smut.



It wasn’t a bed that was meant for two people. Gojyo realized that pretty early on. But like hell he was going to spend every night sleeping on the couch, and Hakkai wasn’t volunteering either. So that was that.

He idly thought that maybe at some point they should get a bigger bed- but no, that would be too weird. Another bed, then, so they could each have one and it would seem like they were more like roommates and less like grown men who were sharing a bed.

Except Gojyo had a funny feeling that if he suggested this to Hakkai, he’d only get a placid smile and a If that’s what you think is best, Gojyo. Which was a kind of passive-aggressive way of saying that he didn’t think it was necessary, leaving Gojyo the only one who was uncomfortable with the situation. Maybe he should just give in, and go out and buy another bed himself. It was his money after all, and if Hakkai wanted to take his bed, he’d just go get another one.

But even as he considered it, Gojyo knew he wouldn’t. For one thing, he knew it would still get him a fixed, pointed smile from Hakkai, probably a particularly sharp one for not talking with him about it first. For another, it would be admitting that there was something weird about sharing a bed, and he didn’t want to be the one to do that. If Hakkai was okay with it, then he had to be too.

But hell, maybe Hakkai wasn’t okay with it and they were just caught in a bizarre stalemate, both of them refusing to be the one to say hey, maybe we shouldn’t be sharing a bed. Gojyo wasn’t sure. He was determined not to be the one to break the silence first, but it was getting more awkward by the day.

One thing that was especially uncomfortable about sleeping in the same bed was the silence that fell when neither of them were asleep. Gojyo wasn’t entirely clear on the etiquette of that situation. If he’d been sharing a bed with a girl, it would have been easier. He would have known it was okay, even expected, to touch her or talk to her or something, instead of just lying there and pretending the other person didn’t exist.

Gojyo shifted a little, uncomfortably, trying to find a position that didn’t feel too weird. It felt strangely dismissive to lie with his back to Hakkai, but too intimate to face him. He turned over a couple times, and his hip brushed against Hakkai. He could feel the heat from Hakkai’s skin, transferring between too-thin sleeping pants. Gojyo stilled.

Another dilemma. When he accidentally touched Hakkai, was he supposed to pretend it hadn’t happened, or apologize so Hakkai knew he hadn’t meant anything by it? Did that seem too paranoid? Gojyo wished he knew whether he was the only one stressing out about these things. It would have been so much easier if he knew that Hakkai didn’t care one way or another. He waited for a few seconds, trying to just let it go and refrain from making a big deal out of every unintentional touch.

It was only a few moments before he gave up. “Sorry,” he whispered at the vaguely Hakkai-shaped lump next to him.

“That’s quite all right,” Hakkai responded, making Gojyo jump slightly with volume and tone of his voice. He didn’t sound anywhere close to being asleep. Great.

Gojyo toyed with the edge of the blanket and closed his eyes experimentally to try to sleep. He lasted approximately three seconds before opening them again. Now that he’d spoken, he felt the odd impulse to keep up some form of conversation. It seemed only polite, since they were both obviously very much awake.

“I’m, uh. Not taking up too much room, am I?” he asked, for lack of anything better to say.

“No, it’s perfectly fine,” Hakkai answered. Gojyo realized that he was whispering while Hakkai was speaking normally. He winced, and wished once again that there was some kind of book or pamphlet to tell you what to do in this situation. Maybe there was and he’d just never heard of it. Normally, he’d ask Hakkai for advice, but considering he was the problem right now, Gojyo didn’t think that would work.

He sighed. The talking was more awkward than the silence.

Turning over so his back was to Hakkai, Gojyo tried resolutely to sleep and not think too much about how Hakkai’s body was only a couple inches from his. It was his own fault, he told himself irritably. This was what happened when you picked up half-dead bodies on the side of the road. You ended up trying to figure out the etiquette of sleeping in a tiny bed with another guy, not knowing whether the polite thing to do was to pretend nothing was wrong or to give up and move out to the couch. Again. In his own defense, when he’d told Hakkai it was the first and last time he was sharing his bed with a guy, he hadn’t quite expected it to be so permanent.

After a moment, Gojyo realized his backside was pressing against Hakkai’s hip. He forced himself to ignore it and told himself that anymore tossing and turning or apologies would only make things more uncomfortable. He closed his eyes and counted to ten slowly, telling himself that he needed to stop feeling so weird about this immediately.

As far as self-hypnosis went, it might have worked better if Hakkai hadn’t chosen that moment to put his hand on Gojyo’s hip. Gojyo nearly jumped out of his skin and jerked away, apologies for crowding Hakkai already on his lips. He grabbed a handful of blankets, ready to concede defeat and migrate to the couch.

“Are you uncomfortable?” Hakkai asked, cutting of Gojyo’s thoughts.

“No!” Gojyo said, much too quickly, and regretted it immediately since it sounded like a particularly unconvincing denial. He opened his mouth to say something else, exactly what he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t get the chance.

“Oh?” Hakkai said, still sounding as careless as if they were discussing the shopping list or the need for a new frying pan, “Yes, well, I’d think you’d be used to sharing your bed with others. I was only making sure.”

Gojyo didn’t want to think too hard about the many ways in which that statement could be interpreted, especially since Hakkai’s hand had settled itself determinedly on Gojyo’s hip again. “It’s fine,” he said, and was mildly proud of himself when his voice didn’t crack.

“All right then,” Hakkai agreed.

They were both quiet for some time.

Hakkai’s hand didn’t move.

Gojyo thought about bringing it up, just in case Hakkai wasn’t aware. Hey, Hakkai, you might not have noticed, but your hand’s touching me. In...places. No, that sounded completely insane. There was no chance of ignoring it and going to sleep either; Gojyo knew that was just not going to happen. And Hakkai’s hand kept him neatly trapped from escaping the bed, too.

Not seeing any other alternative, Gojyo sucked in a breath. “Um, Hakkai?” he said slowly, “Your hand…”

“Yes?” Hakkai said, sounding as if he didn’t quite know what Gojyo was referring to. Privately, Gojyo considered that at least one of them was insane, and sadly, he no longer knew which one it was. “Oh,” Hakkai continued, with a faint note of recognition in his voice. He sounded like he’d just realized that he did, in fact, possess a hand, and it was, in fact, on Gojyo’s hip. “Oh, would you like me to move it?”

“Well,” Gojyo said weakly. He didn’t quite know how to answer that. Saying yes implied that there was something wrong with Hakkai touching him, which maybe suggested things Hakkai wasn’t even thinking about. That would be embarrassing. Saying no implied that he was okay with Hakkai touching him like that, which was also embarrassing. It was sort of like a woman asking whether you thought she was fat. There was no right answer. “Only if you want to?” he finished uncertainly.

There was a brief silence as Hakkai appeared to consider this. “All right,” he said after a moment, and moved his hand. Gojyo had rather expected the hand to retreat back to Hakkai’s side of the bed, but instead it pushed aside the rest of the blankets, found the waistband of Gojyo’s pants, and pulled it open.

Hakkai’s hand pushed its way into his pants, and Gojyo fought down a gasp. He reached to clutch at Hakkai’s wrist reflexively, not sure whether he was trying to push him away of urge him on. It had been a while since he’d had someone touch him like this. Girls were usually too timid to really give a good handjob, or else they were more interested in something that brought more mutual pleasure.

But Hakkai’s hand was warm, slightly callused, and held him in a carefully firm grip. It was apparent he knew what he was doing, either just from touching himself or from other experience that Gojyo found difficult to ponder at the moment.

It was good, though. Hakkai stroked his thumb over the head of Gojyo’s cock, which displayed definite interest in the attention, even if Gojyo’s feeling were somewhat mixed. He realized he was still clinging to Hakkai’s wrist with a sweaty, too-tight grasp. He forced himself to loosen his hold, but wasn’t sure where to put his hands after that. He didn’t know whether Hakkai expected him to touch him back, or what. He settled for twisting his hands in the blanket on top of him and writhing quietly while Hakkai stroked him.

The most awkward thing was not knowing what he was supposed to do during this. If it was been some girl he’d met in the bar, Gojyo would’ve known how to respond. He would’ve known it was okay to stroke her hair or kiss her or touch her breasts while she touched him. Now, he didn’t know whether Hakkai was waiting for him to respond or expecting him not to. Gojyo didn’t like it. He enjoyed touching someone in return, liked being able to put his hands on someone else’s warm skin. The only thing that held him back from reciprocating in some way was the fear that it would be the wrong thing to do, that Hakkai would yank away.

It was hard to think too much, though, because Hakkai’s fingers were wrapped around him and it felt really good. Gojyo realized with something of a start that he was going to come it Hakkai kept this up, and oh god Hakkai’s hand was on his cock. Breathing hard, Gojyo gave up on trying to keep his hands to himself and grabbed the nearest part of Hakkai that he could reach, which turned out to be his arm, and dug his fingers in.

Hakkai had pushed himself up somewhat and was half-leaning over Gojyo, one hand down his pants. Gojyo wished, suddenly, that it wasn’t so dark and that he could see Hakkai’s face. It felt like he should be able to see him better, somehow. Hakkai’s fingers curled around him, giving one long stroke and then a quick tug, and Gojyo heard himself make a quiet little sound that was something like a groan, but muffled and in the back of his throat.

“Hakkai,” he said, not very loudly, just an exhaled breath, really. He wasn’t sure if Hakkai even heard him or not, but the shadows shifted and Gojyo blinked myopically until he realized Hakkai was leaning over him. Bizarrely, he was somewhat confused, and didn’t realize Hakkai was going to kiss him until he actually did. When his mind caught up with his body, though, he twisted his fingers in Hakkai’s shirt and kissed back, figuring it was just weird to have Hakkai jerking him off but not kissing him. So he kissed back hard. Hakkai’s mouth was warm and deliciously wet, and again Gojyo didn’t realize he was going to come until he already had.

Eventually Hakkai drew back and Gojyo was grateful, since at that point he needed to breathe rather badly. Hakkai gave him one last stroke before slipped his hand out of Gojyo’s pants. Gojyo realized he was still clutching at Hakkai’s shirt and reluctantly turned him loose, still trying to get his breath back.

Well, that was unexpected, Gojyo thought, semi-coherently. He took another breath, waited for his heart to stop pounding, and then wondered whether he was supposed to engage in post-coital cuddling with Hakkai. It seemed to be the most reasonable concern he was facing at the moment.

While he was pondering it, Hakkai put his hand back on Gojyo’s hip, repeating the gesture that had started the whole thing, and said, “Go to sleep, Gojyo.” Gojyo considered it. He shifted a little closer to Hakkai so that Hakkai could comfortably wrap his arm around him, and was pleased when he did. Satisfied with the situation at last, he obeyed.

Privately, he put aside all thoughts of getting another bed.